Fear Not

FEAR. 

This month I've wrestled with that ugly monster more than I care to admit. So, before I take up the 'single' subject again, I'd like to share with you the Scripture and lessons I'm learning through this battle.

Note: sometimes spiritual lessons won't stop banging around inside me until I squeeze them into rhyme and meter. Thus the poem at the end.

May it encourage and challenge you as you fight your own fears! 

Beth

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Lesson 1: I don't have to fear the personal cost of surrender. 

Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abides alone: but if it die, it brings forth much fruit. He that loves his life shall lose it; and he that hates his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal. Jn 12

Lesson 2: I don't have to fear leaving those I love if it is in God's service.

Jesus answered...There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel's, But he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life. Mk 10

Lesson 3: I don't have to fear the increasing evil of this world. (Amen?)

And there shall be no night there; and they need no candle, neither light of the sun; for the Lord God giveth them light: and they shall reign for ever and ever. And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. Rev. 21

Lesson 4: I don't have to fear death. Whether it's my own or that of a loved one. 

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Ps. 23

O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Death is swallowed up in victory. 1 Cor. 15

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Do not fear the laying down
of treasured self and earthy crown.
Surrender grows precious fruit,
And in the loss, a vict'ry found.

Do not fear the farewell made
of dearest home for Gospel's sake.
Reward sits on heaven's shore,
And hundred- fold in life repaid.

Do not fear the dimming light
of truth and good in earth's long fight.
Justice weeps but will not fail,
and in God's Sun, each wrong made right.

Do not fear the coming pause
of beating heart and human loves.
Death inflicts a harmless sting,
And through this vale, all glory dawns.

Guest Post: What I would tell my 20-something self

Today's guest blogger has often refreshed my heart by her honest and Spirit-filled words. I know she will have that same effect on you! And, (despite my loud protests) she's asked that her name be withheld. 
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Singleness took me completely by surprise. After looking to “tangible” helps I determined that God’s Word was already designed to help me in ways I don’t even understand. From a nearly 40 year vantage point: here is some advice I wish I could have offered my 20-something self.

1. When your close married friend complains bitterly to you that she gets so lonely when she has to grocery shop by herself, or your co-worker resigns from her job to get married and is congratulated about her “ministry promotion”. Please remind yourself that: The only thing that can relieve the emotional pressure is spiritual growth. Psalm 119:11 Your word I have treasured in my heart, That I may not sin against You. Psalm 116:7 Return to your rest, O my soul, For the LORD has dealt bountifully with you.

2. “I was trying to get my work done,” my sister apologized, “but then I saw this boy who needed his hands kissed” she explained, as I watched my adorable 10- month old nephew coo in response. You would have to ignore the glaring obvious if you tried to believe married people do not enjoy things that God has not given to singles. It is at these moments that I remember: I must take God’s love by faith, believing the unseen, instead of counting up all the ways God has denied me joy. I John 4:16a We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us… (“come to know” is a process)

3. Once a teen girl poured out her heart as I listened sympathetically, “but, I am so lonely, I need friends, this is the only guy who has ever noticed me. I know that sneaking out of my house at night is not honoring to my parents but, I can’t help liking him.” I was able to answer with authority that God gives great grace to singles. I should know! My married friend had made no leeway with this girl. I was privileged to plead with her. God has jobs for all His children and not all of them can be accomplished by married people. I Corinthians 12:17 If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole were hearing, where would the sense of smell be?


4. “But if I buy a house I will appear too independent and if I take the promotion God is opening to me, then I might appear too capable!” Don’t forge your life plan around schemes to protect yourself. Romans 12:1 Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.

5. This point needs absolutely no explanation. Sigh. Don’t get bogged down in people’s advice on how to ensure your eligibility in marriage. Instead focus on God’s sovereignty! Psalm 135:6a Whatever the LORD pleases, He does… Daniel 4:35 All the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, But He does according to His will in the host of heaven And among the inhabitants of earth; And no one can ward off His hand Or say to Him, 'What have You done?'

6. A dearly loved fellow single of mine humbled herself by taking her turn in the church nursery. One mom, obviously giving her every ounce of strength to raising godly children, dropped this line: “Don’t you WANT to be married???” (you selfish single you!) These situations leave you wanting to run. Don’t. Win the spiritual battle in your mind so you can be free to serve. Ephesians 6:17 And take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. I Corinthians 5:34, 35…The woman who is unmarried,… secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.

7. “My Great Aunt Gertrude got married at 98!...so, don’t lose hope!” I have heard many remarkable stories from well meaning people. Be gracious…instead: Hope for things actually promised you in His Word. I Peter 1:13b fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

Bonus: Don’t forget that women with physical and spiritual flaws get married every single day. Marriage is not won through some spiritual point system. In fact, we see several examples in Scripture where God brought a couple together through sovereignly designed circumstances…who had failures and weakness! Like: Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel, Adam and Eve (that was certainly a match made in heaven), David and Michal, Hosea and Gomer (try that one on for size).

Above all: Know God and His Word to develop mature responses to singleness. Psalm 119: 128 …I esteem all your precepts concerning all things to be right;…

You might be single if...

1. Two-thirds of the crock pot meal you made on Monday is supporting its own ecosystem in your fridge on Friday. (even though you've eaten off it all week)

2. Your car contains half your worldly possessions and counting. And it's no inconvenience. 

3. You regret purchasing the bargain toilet paper at Costco when you realize the package is the actual dimensions of your bathroom. (and could be used to build a small yacht, if need be.) 

4. When dining with a family, the visual of several dishes of different foods on one table at one time makes you crumble into tears of wonder and joy. 

5. You invite your friends' children over to play and the first game is 'rake the front yard.' You do this shamelessly, and consider adding 'repaint the siding' and 'weed the landscaping' to the next play date roster. 

6. When asked "why are you_______?" and "aren't you______?" you auto-fill with 'single' and 'dating' respectively and have perfected the art of feigning deafness or insanity after the first two words. (I've found this generates mixed results but it's totally worth it.) 

7. Wedding bouquet tosses, Valentine's Day, and honeymooners are nightmare content.

8. The thought of shopping at Babies R Us makes you hyperventilate and collapse. 

9. Your recycle bin contains mostly take-out, half gallon, one serving, and pint sized containers. (except for the continent-sized cardboard box your toilet paper came in. see #3) 

10. When confronted by weirdies of the opposite gender, you do what it takes to hide your left hand (or just your ring finger but that's tricky) lest they be encouraged to pursue you by your lack of marital status. I've found the nearest armpit, clothing rack, puffy hair, or large mouth (again, kind of tricky) to be ideal for this concealing maneuver. 

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Are you laughing? Good. Now I have a confession. 

I enjoy these random experiences and situations. Really. They're unique to singleness. Unique to me. And I wrote this list the other day (much edited so you wouldn't get TOO jealous) because I needed to remember where the joy was. 

Now, before you scream HERRRRRRETIIIIIIIIC! and throw the Fundamentals of the Christian Faith at me...I realize that Christ is our joy. There is this deep, steady undercurrent of joy in my position and relationship with Him. 

BUT, there's also this day that the Lord has made. And He calls us to rejoice and be glad in it. The God who knows your frame, your downsitting and uprising, your thoughts, your words, your sense of humor...calls you to be glad. And He builds into your life experiences tailor-made to bring you joy. Every good and perfect gift comes from above. He richly supplies us with all things to enjoy. 

Dear friends, find them. 

Find those things you love about your current season. They're not there by happenstance.
Then take a step back and intentionally thank God for them. Carve out time for your own praise service recounting the ways God brings you joy in the right now. 

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Most likely, maneuvering larger-than-life-sized toilet paper packages by yourself into your home using your midget arms doesn't fill you with glee (as it strangely does for me). But whatever your season, this is a day to be rejoiced over and glad in. A day filled with joy. 

Find it and give thanks. 

Beth 

I wish I could tell marrieds...(Part 1)

"Wow. I wish I could tell marrieds this!" 

I think that once and a while. And since this is my blog, and you read it, you will be subjected to these posts as they come up. (Happy Birthday) Eventually, when my blog IQ rises, I will archive them together for easy access. But for now, here's Part 1: 
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One side of the coin:

I watched this movie last week (which I am not condoning by mentioning.) The basic plot was several Christian mothers who, worn out by constantly BEING NEEDED, plan a ladies' night out together. And, of course, the night goes hilariously wrong.

One mom I know admitted to weeping the entire time she watched this film because it was so "close to home." Others laughed uproariously for what a clear representation it is of the constant and great demands placed on them as mothers. And all sympathized with the desire to escape from being ALWAYS NEEDED. 

The other side of the coin:

(If he only had a heart...)

Recently, I was asked to hand off a small ministry for a Sunday service. This happens. Different or greater gifts are needed at times in the body of Christ. God's work is bigger than me-- and for that I'm glad.

BUT, on this occasion, I absolutely fell apart. It was like the last shred of BEING NEEDED was swiped away from me during a season when I was already feeling unnecessary as a single. And I'll admit, my reaction was not pretty.
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Do you see the contrast between the two sides?
One represents the single's longing to be needed.
One represents the married's longing to be, well, less needed. 


As far as I can tell, a parent's role is defined by how they are needed. The need for discipleship is built in. They have the love and need of a mate (however imperfect it may seem) built in. Many are dependent on them. They are naturally looked up to because of their role. And lauded publicly in the body of Christ for their positions as spouse and parent. This is good and right. 

A single's role is not so obvious. We arrive/depart as we please. No immediate time and attention constraints when in a group. But it can appear like a great vacuum to us. A vast open emptiness that we're not sure how to fill-- especially when it comes to life in the body of Christ. We think: are we needed? And is our role necessary to God's work? We're not raising families, after all.

               (A few of us in Charleston where George Washington once sat!)                

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I can't imagine the strain of constant need. Really. No. Idea. But with the other side of the coin in mind, here's what I wish I could tell marrieds: 

1. Just be aware.

That singles have no built- in "needers" in our lives. That this can be difficult for us.

2. Tell us how we are necessary to the body of Christ.

Example: A mom friend recently thanked me for a service to her family and detailed why it was such a blessing. She was implying: "We needed you!" And that pretty much made me feel like a million bucks. It's even spurred me on to more good works. Do this! Point out our value. Sometimes we don't see it. 

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3. Pray for us.

This "need monster" can get out of hand. Just look at my reaction above. A single can start to allow their perception of their value to determine their feelings and actions. Of course we are as valuable to the body of Christ as mothers and fathers. God makes no distinction in the NT teaching on the church. So pray that God will give us victory as we train this 'need to be needed' to stay in its Biblical place. 

4. Share your life of "need" with us.

We want to understand it. What it's like to be constantly needed. We want to be your friend not just your babysitter in this time of life. We want to pray for you and share in your downfalls and victories. Let us in!

And both sides of the coin will benefit.

Beth

anticipating 2015 and beyond

New Year's here!

Tis the season of anticipation. And many are the goals, hopes, and plans for 2015...at least if my facebook page is any predictor. 

But for me, anticipation is a guilty pleasure every day of the year. Whether it's going to an event, an upcoming vacation, hanging out with friends, cup of decaf after work...ANYTHING. I want to know about it before hand. The anticipation actually trumps the event for me most times. I savor it. 

This addiction can have an ugly underbelly though. Like when ringing in the new year gets me thinking about what singleness may look like 10, 25, 40 years from now. And I start anticipating...

• The possibility of never having my own family. 
• The death of a loved one without the support of a spouse.   
• The day when I will fall, become violently ill, break a bone, find an antediluvian- sized arachnid...while alone in my home.  
•  Supporting myself financially as I age. 
• Who will care for me when I grow old and can't live by myself.

I start to predict a life that, if it maintains its current path, will lead me near horrifying and gloomy possibilities. But is anticipation even Biblical? I recently asked myself this question and (though worthy of deeper study) here's a few of my conclusions:

1. I can anticipate grace. 

The whole of Scripture sings this song. Grace always in all things. in every possibility, at every age. Sufficient in every way that I am deficient. Grace to obey and to act as God's child. More grace. Heaps of  'grace upon grace' as John 1 puts it. 

2. I can anticipate God's loving kindness. 

God's Word says it. Says His loving kindnesses are new every morning. Says His steadfast love endures forever. No famine, or disease, or any person, or even death can separate me from it. How high are the Heavens from the earth? The reserves of God's loving kindness rise that high. Plenty and more for all my years.  

3. I can anticipate the provision of every need.

God will supply my needs in measure to His inexhaustible Heavenly resources. His children need not fear the possibility of begging bread. I shall not want. Consider how God sustains creation. How much more will He sustain one made in His own image? He knows what I need before I even ask Him.  And He will never give me something useless or hurtful.

4. I can anticipate that God will always hear my voice. 

His ear is open to my cry and inclined toward me to catch every word. All the time. If my path runs along mountains of loss, sheer cliffs of physical disability, unstable ground of feeble age...wherever these next years find me, it will always be within ear shot of my Heavenly Father. And He tells me to keep on keeping on bringing my requests before Him. 

But if, in this life, there are heartaches, weaknesses, disappointments that run so deep no words can voice them, the Holy Spirit will take up my cry for me. The triune God praying, listening, and answering all for me. Expect that.

5. I can anticipate an eternity of joy and rest with my Savior in Heaven.

Nothing can pluck me out of the hands that are gently and steadily carrying me there. Towards an eternity of no tears. Out of a clouded, dim understanding into a forever of face to face.  Let that sink in, friend. 

In this life there will be death. There will be a defiling of things and people. A fading of loves, wealth, quality of life... But take no thought for these things. There is a fullness of joy waiting for us in the presence of God in Heaven. Our inheritance there is imperishable and undefiled. It will not fade away. It's reserved for us. 

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So whether this new year appears chock full of bonhomie or bah humbug from your current point of view, place your anticipation on sure footing before you begin. Place it on the Word of God.

And you will not be disappointed. 

Beth 

Who is He?

Curious crowds will press in upon the manger this week.

They'll pack candle-lit services, Christmas pageants, midnight mass...
All clamoring for a closer look. All wondering--

Who is He? 

Then in a blink, they will drift away. Scatter. Finding more meaning in twinkling lights and stocking-thick mantels than this infant scene. 

Come--before they descend upon us. 

Come and bend close with me. Bow low and peer into this mean cradle.
And listen to me whisper: 

Who is He? I know.

He is my 'Let not your heart be troubled, believe in Me.'

My 'I will not leave you comfortless.'

My 'Look unto me and be saved.'

My 'Peace, be still.'

My 'Daughter, your faith has made you whole.'

He is my 'Do you love me more than these?'

My 'Your Heavenly Father knows you have need of all these things.'

My 'Will you also go away?'

My 'Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.'

He is my 'Thrust your hand in my side and be not faithless, but believing.'

My 'I go to prepare a place for you.'

My 'Be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.'

And the list stretches long. My voice grows hoarse.
My heart swells and presses hard against its cage. Overwhelmed by this. 
This fullness of grace and truth. This God made flesh and dwelling among us. 
This beholding the glory of the Only Begotten.

Thanks be unto God for His unspeakable gift.

He's mine.

Beth

Why Christmas stinks for singles (and church is the solution)

I really wanted to write an entire post about how difficult the Christmas season can be for singles, but my blog rules wouldn't allow it. And the more I thought on what gets me through this season, I realized my musings all had one theme. But first, for your entertainment...

Christmas stinks for singles because:

1. Roasting chestnuts over an open fire alone is called a hazard not holiday fun.

2. If I see another bunch of mistletoe, I will chew it up and swallow it whole.

3. A mantel hung with one stocking is just obnoxious.

4. Mounded plates of received holiday baked goods create more misery than merry as I try to stuff them into my mouth before they go bad on my kitchen counter.

5. Mistletoe is kryptonite.

6. Snuggling up to your sweetheart while caroling and looking at Christmas lights makes a whole lot of sense. Wrapping your arms around your middle and rocking side to side while caroling and looking at Christmas lights as one? Not so much.

7. Unless I am willing to invite two Christmas Tree Farm creeper dudes to travel IN MY CAR WITH ME to my HOME in order to unload a live Christmas tree... I'm stuck with artificial.

8. M.I.S.T.L.E.T.O.E.

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This list is intentionally lighthearted. But the truth is, Christmas is marked by togetherness. So it shines a direct, piercing spotlight on something that is already very attention-sensitive. We are not...well...together. We are single. 

What does the local church have to do with singleness bah-humbug? EVERYTHING. Here's why:

1. We will find a "together" that is unparalleled in its scope and beauty.

The church is a body. Each member (single or not) is necessary. It's fitly joined together--interconnected. A moving, living thing. When I'm with the body I realize I am useful and needed. Doesn't that hit at the core of us singles? Exactly. And in God's plan, its members are uniquely fitted to minister to me. Don't forsake the body of Christ. It's perfect togetherness. 

2. We will discover life (even holiday-crazy life) makes sense in its context.

The world dangles an empty package of togetherness at Christmas, and people grow frantic trying to capture it. To buy the emotional high and romanticized satisfaction of glowing trees, warm fires, presents...but they find it is not enough. It will never be enough.

David saw the glitz and glamour of the world's package too. But when he entered the house of God, he saw things as they truly are. He saw that the world's way ends in destruction. He saw the inestimable riches of knowing God. Don't let the local church take a back seat to sentimentality this season.The "Christ-life" was made to make sense in the context of the body of Christ. So be there! Don't settle for a hollow together.

3. We will remember that Christmas time is difficult for others too.

Glance around you this Sunday. Many in your body of believers enter this holiday season with health issues, financial difficulties, family pressures. There are widows and divorcees who are alone again. Young moms (though never alone) who feel completely alone. Other singles. Young children who will get lost in the holiday shuffle.

And then there's you. Divinely positioned as one. With the freedom to minister across all these dividing lines. So do it with abandon this season. Build up the body of Christ. From your own local church, gather believers in need around you and form your own together.

4. We will be confronted with truth that we need.

We forget it sometimes. What Immanuel means. Why the entire Old Testament built up to His birth, and the entire New Testament rests upon it. So sit under the teaching of your local church this season with ears that are ready to hear. You need what the Holy Spirit will say. You need to be reminded who Immanuel is. What it means not just for Christmas Day, but the 364 everydays after it. He is with you. You are together with Him.

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I realize there are larger and more important reasons to be in church. So add your own points to these four little ones. Then print it off and tape it to your bedroom door, the dashboard of your car, your kitchen sink back splash, the inside flap of your Bible...

And roasted chestnuts or no, be in church.

Beth