on being your own boss

Must be great being single. You're FREE! Independent from parents, no spouse/kids...wow! 

I hear that sometimes. But being one's own boss isn't all awesomeness. There's a heightened need for 'self-governance' on the single path and that can be challenging. Here's why:

1. Because I can't always say yes.

I'm a yes addict. Captivated by it's power to show love and kindness. And as a single, no one's standing over me saying, don't. But a constant yes makes me frantic and ugly. Singleness requires that we be skillful at the gracious no. That's challenging.

2. Because I can't please everyone.

Not every eye's gonna look on me kindly. Some will question my no. Others raise an eyebrow at my priorities. Still others wonder why I did______ or didn't_____. And as one, that can be hard to handle. It requires a determination to please the Lord and not man. Challenging indeed.

3. Because I can't maintain superhero status. 

I love doing it all: churching, hostessing, yarding, writing, committee-ing, housekeeping, friendship-maintaining...go ahead and add a Captain America drop roll and punch kick while you're at it.

But I can't keep it up. And that's ok. Because God never intended us to be superheroes. He calls us children. Well He knows the limits of our 'feeble frames.' My all doesn't have to equal scaling walls and vaulting my body off rooftops. Remembering that's a challenge. 

So what do I do?

Learn to number my days. What does God say about my time? How do I want to spend it? Don't let life strap you to the gilded horse of its whirling, stomach-flopping, merry-go-round. Count out your minutes. Be wisely de.lib.er.ate.

Learn to seek the Lord. First. Less knee-jerk yes, more wait. Sometimes the slow answer is the best answer. So give it a minute, day, week...pray over it. Do I have time for this? Energy? Will it affect what's already required of me? If I seek the Lord first, then I can be assured the 'all things' that are added to my life are what He wants.

Learn to care for my temple. It's God's. A stewardship. If my body's not healthy, how can I do my Father's business? Exhaustion doesn't equal spirituality. Never has. What are my physical limits? What does my body need to function best? Wrestling with these questions is not carnal. It allows me to be most effective for the Kingdom.

Learn to see the value of retreat. When I fail at the previous three points (and I do), I schedule a spiritual retreat. Here's what it looks like:

Time: 1-2 evenings after work. Maybe a whole vacation day. Or a weekend. The idea is, there's enough time to slow down and concentrate. Enough time.  

Place: Anywhere. Alone. I've retreated in my apartment, to a friend's travel trailer, to (most recently planned but thwarted) a local hotel room.

Content: Writing down what fills life right now and praying through it. my own thanksgiving service. naps. reading my favorite psalms back to the Lord. apologizing for falling asleep while praying. belting my favorite hymns out in my own key. coffee coffee tea coffee coffee decaf coffee. thinking through the future before the Lord. minimal technology. examining current frustrations/discouragements with an open Bible. easy (but awesome) food...

Results: I'm settled and refreshed. Several no's and yes's to give. A thankful heart. Refocused daily routine. My opinion? Retreats like this are necessary (and possible) for us as singles. Because we must be guided by God's thoughts in how we govern our lives. No one can do this for us. 

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So we learn to number days, seek God first, and care for our bodies. And when life gets tough, we deploy the secret weapon of spiritual retreat. Don't let that powerful weapon rust.

It's a benefit of being boss.

Beth