dear single: let yourself adult

Dear single, you don’t have to sleep on a twin bed. You don’t have to share a room. Or a house. Or a car. You may choose to. You may enjoy doing so. Or be happy to for a time. But you do not have to. You are an adult. It’s ok.

 Know what you love doing for God? Know how He uses you? Single, run toward it. That may look like a very small step for man as well as a small step for mankind. But single? Keep stepping toward your calling. You are an adult. Now is the time. 

Learn to say no. There can be pushback when singles decline ministry opportunities in the church. One reason may be that sometimes we are not viewed as adults in the church context (with the right or need to say no) until we are married. And perhaps we have encouraged that perspective? But don’t assume single=should be in ________ministry or should not be in_________ministry or should be in all the ministries. Our spiritual gifts may not fit people’s perception of what a single should do. Because (truth-bomb) we are simply adults who are not married. Our gifts and strengths and loves reflect the infinite creativity of a perfect Creator. And while we should be willing to serve where we are needed, sometimes we must say no. 

Steward the skills God has placed in your hand. Writing does not bring home the bacon in my life now, but to set aside this gift would make me an unfaithful steward. “But God, I was unmarried” will not fly someday. What’s in your hand, single? What passion? Skill? Training? Be faithful with it.

Don’t be content fulfilling the responsibilities you had 5,10,15 years ago. That’s weird. Growing older should mean a growth in wisdom which should mean a growth in responsibility. Don’t fear taking on more responsibility. Buy the car. Plant the garden. Purchase the home. Commit to the ministry. Take the position. Let yourself be tied down. (Get married?) Start the company. It’s what adults do. 

If we are still content to fill in the blanks of our junior-high, cartoon devotional booklet, something is wrong. Singleness does not give us a pass on pursuing Christ. Do what it takes to grow spiritually. Carve out the time, pursue the resources, be in church and plugged in there. Run your life up against godly people. Don’t put your spiritual life in the back seat. You can’t afford to; you’re an adult. 

Work long and hard enough to support yourself whether you choose to live independently or not. It’s what adults do.

Take care of your body. It’s not somehow worldly or less than to do what it takes to stay healthy. It is wise and appropriate. Even as a single it is not selfish to rest. To have an evening at home. To work out. To let yourself recover after a season of intense giving. To decline the longer hours at work. To go to bed early on Saturday so you can pour yourself out with joy on Sunday. At this point in life we should know our physical boundaries and be content with them. This world does not need another believer whose health is wrecked, nerves are shot, and spirit is destroyed because of overwork. That is not a sparkling, jeweled trophy of super-spirituality--another saint broken for the cause. That is unwise stewardship of the temple of God. Single, stay healthy. 

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Dear single, 

God has allowed us to grow into adults. It is His plan that we should live like one with all the good and hard and beauty and work inherent in that. We were children. Now we are no more children, but load-bearing citizens of His kingdom and coheirs with Christ. 

Let’s live it. 

Beth