10 questions for the single

Just gonna be honest here. For quite some time now, I've been filled with delight and satisfaction over my single life. This highly suspect state of mind prompted me to ask myself a series of questions recently. Not under any delusions that you're all that interesting in my answers (I myself fell asleep several times while writing this) but I'm hoping they will stir your own thoughts and perhaps you'd share a few of your answers in the comments below?

1. What do you love most about your single life?

The independence. Hands down.

2. What do you NOT love most about your life right now?

Having to make every decision every day as one. (which I guess is kinda the definition of independence so let me think on that some more...)

3. What have you found to be the greatest benefits?

Singles don’t have more time or fewer responsibilities. But in general life is more flexible. That’s what I’m enjoying most right now. Also, It’s deeply satisfying to serve others to an extent or in a way that I clearly could not if I were married. And there’s a complexity and richness to the grace that is given to me as a single that I would not know if God had not placed me on this path. Of course the same is true of marrieds…I’m assuming. 

4. What are your greatest difficulties right now? 

Selfishness. If I’m not intentionally running my life against a variety of people and contexts, I develop sharp edges and bristles faster than I care to admit. There's also this balance between flexibility and personal stewardship that is super challenging. What can shift in my life when I'm asked to take on something new? And what can't shift lest I spin out of control or be found in the fetal position rocking back and forth while sobbing. Ha-ha. *clears throat* 

6. How do you apply your Christianity to your season of life? 

I wrestle a lot with what it means to be pure as an unmarried adult and with what it means to ‘care for things of the Lord’ as a single woman. Also, conservative Christian culture tends to define womanhood (roles, acceptable hobbies/dreams/goals etc) in terms of marriage and motherhood. This can leave one hanging a bit. So lately I’ve been exploring how Biblical womanhood applies (and must apply) to this single season. 

7. What are some of your goals?

I want to get better at money. Money is numbers and numbers are a sign of the fall and the fall is what brought evil into this world. In my opinion. But I want to be a better steward of my tiny little unrighteous mammon because I think it could be leveraged to do more of what I love to do for Jesus. Being just one of one makes that possible.

For a while now I’ve wanted to start some kind of evangelistic Bible study in my home. Singleness makes this at once both a highly possible idea and a very difficult one. Pray with me on this. It's a burden that hasn't gone away.

Getting a dog, owning my own home, and adopting are other more long-term goals I’m praying about right now. (ok, not so much praying about getting a dog, just wanting.)

8. How do you feel valued as a single?

Sometimes I feel most valued when people don’t even notice whether I’m married or not. When they just treat me like a woman. Or a member of my body of believers. A friend. A funny person… But sometimes, I feel most loved when people point out my singleness and how they see God reflected in that aspect of my life because I work very hard at that.

9. What’s one thing you would say to those in a different season of life than you? 

Single people notice a lot. So give us something worthwile to notice. Prove by your lives that God’s will for you in your season is beautiful and satisfying. We need to see that. Then point out how God’s will for singles is just as beautiful and satisfying. We need to see that. We all thirst for a drop of grace. We are all beggars to see God’s glory in this broken world. Don't tuck it away.

10. What are some 'single' policies you have in place?

If nobody knows what I’m up to (whether it’s good or bad) or how I’m doing (whether it’s good or bad) something is wrong. Autonomy makes a disturbingly accurate and powerful tool of the enemy.

I don’t cultivate close relationships with single men unless I hear words like “serious” “date” or “relationship” coming from their mouths not mine or anyone else’s. Still working on defining ‘close relationships’...

If I start to think “I should add this activity/obligation/ministry/friendship because I’m single” I take a step back and pray. Relationship status makes a shabby solo motive. I’ve learned that the hard way.

I respect husbands. No relationship with a guy should ever hold a candle to my relationship with their wife. And they, and their wives should know that. 

No big life decisions are made without consulting with my 'wisdom council.' Create one of your own and you won't regret it.

Beth