singleness is not

Judgement

'I must have done something wrong in God's eyes. God must be punishing me for_______. God must consider me unworthy of marriage. I need to get better at doing life first. Once I can make God happy enough by my spirituality, then maybe He will send me a spouse...'

Let's take this view back to Scripture. Who, why, and when does God judge? Think about it. If you are His child, you need not fear His judgement. Ever. Chastisement? Perhaps. But not His judgement. 

This judgement mindset enslaves us to meritorious works. As if we can change God's (seemingly negative) mind by making ourselves better. But our righteousness is as effective in forcing God's hand as it is in earning salvation. It's not. This thinking also smacks of accusation (I'm bad, I missed something...) But God does not accuse His own. The great accuser does that. Don't let him sweep you into thinking you're living under God's frown. 

License

This is the world's view of singleness. Currently not married? AWESOME. You've got license to drift, to splurge, to party hardy, to be immoral...you're pretty much allowed to let selfishness rule in every area of life. Singleness gives you this temporary pass, so make sure to live it up before it runs out and you find yourself restricted by the bonds of marriage and family. 

This 'party hardy' mindset can affect even Christian singles. But if my motivations and actions reflect the paragraph above, then I'm living according to this world. And God's Word has some pretty strong words about that. 

Scripture does point to a freedom woven into singleness. But it's a freedom, not a license. It's the freedom to use the resources of our single life to bring God glory in ways that we could not if we were in married life. Read that sentence again. Let it sink in. 

The Pits 

There's this outrageous Russian character in my favorite Jimmy Stewart film. He has one main line throughout the plot: It stinks.  Our family loves quoting this. It's simplicity and the pleasure of donning a thick Russian accent make it nifty in a wide variety of situations. 

And singleness can make one feel like putting that line on constant repeat. It can truly feel like the pits. Why are we so tempted by this? Because unless we're careful, we mentally strip singleness down to its difficult parts while applying yet another glitter-coating to marriage. Of course I would never confess to you that I catch myself doing this all. the. time. 

Unfortunately, when we strip singleness and embellish marriage, we're left with an inaccurate view of both. You don't want that view. It's not reality. It's not Biblical. And, it stinks. 

A Gift 

I can almost see the raised eyebrows. But let me explain. There are several connotations of the word gift that make it a poor choice to describe singleness. That's probably why the Scripture doesn't describe it that way. 

Now, every good and perfect thing comes from God. And our God's loving sovereignty does orchestrate what life 'gives' us. But singleness is a marital status in Scripture. Something that can change. Something that has benefits and difficulties. Freedoms and limitations. 

And hearing singleness described as a gift can make singles feel guilty (because many of us really don't want this gift), angry (because it's most often called that by those who don't have it), frustrated (because we're keenly aware of its difficulties), or just plain depressed (because it's often described as a lifetime gift.) So, don't make it your first choice of words if you want to encourage your single pals.

.................................................

Whew! Singleness is not a lot of things. But this is the top four for me. I hope they've been a challenge and encouragement! 

Beth