what to say to 'stuck' singles

We all know singles who seem stuck in life. They're functioning adults, but they haven't found their career or spouse yet. No family yet. Maybe they keep going back to school. Drift in and out of dating. Their current position may not match their education. Maybe they talk about feeling 'stuck'. Maybe that's just the word that comes to mind when you see them. So, what do you say when life runs you up against these people?

Well fret yo-self no more. I'm a professional stuck.
And here's what we need to hear from you:

1. There is no stuck.

Remember that time I debunked my entire blog post on point number 1? Yup.

No really, we don't see stuck in Scripture. We see Abraham maturing in faith as he waits on God's promises. We see Joseph growing in favor with those around him as he sits in jail. David pens our favorite Psalms while in the 'holding pattern' of waiting to rule the kingdom. Paul and Silas take their shackles as opportunity to fellowship with God and a church is born. 

There should always be forward movement in Christ-likeness. A growing in grace and the knowledge of God. A reaching forth to things before us. Don't let singles sit back on their haunches because they seem to be in 'dead time.'

2. Look for the illumined step, not the assumed step. 

We can assume life will take a direct path of highschool, college, marriage, children, more children, (perhaps more children), marriage of said children, grandchildren, retirement etc. And deviation from that path can be met with disappointed tolerance, questioning suspicion, or active frowning from others.

But God is the great creative. He weaves paths as diverse as we are. So challenge singles not to stare at where the next step should be, but to seek how God could be leading them. To ask for varied counsel. To read widely. To pray big. To research how God is at work in the world around them, and consider how their skills fit in with that work.

3. Advancing God's kingdom doesn't require advancing to the next phase of life. 

I'm limited by being single. Yep. Been there. Actually I come and go from there pretty often. Have the bumper sticker. Own a rental on that beach. You get the idea. It's easy for singles to think they're strapped in what they can do for God. But I've read my Bible from cover to cover and have yet to find that anywhere. Remind 'stuckies' of this. And while you're at it, remind them of this closely connected point:

4. There's no qualifier for glorifying God. 

Are you eating? Are you drinking? Are you doing, I don't know, whatsoever? Then you can glorify God. Marrieds have no corner on whatsoever. It's a free for all.

5. God doesn't keep good from obedient children.

He's not withholding something best. An understanding of His love and sovereignty must lead to that conclusion. But singles can get fixated on the good we seem to be missing in marriage and family. So point them to God's love and sovereignty.They need to hear it.

6. Your life counts. 

My sister's life has followed a most beautiful arch. I've admired it from her first crush on my brother in law, up til now as she mothers their four children. I cannot adequately express my respect for her. So I well nigh fainted when she confessed, "Beth, I admire your life so much. How God is using you for eternal things. The opportunities you have..." I was like, what? And now we have this habit of dive-bombing each other's lives and pointing out how they count, the worth they have for eternity. Do this to singles around you. Trust me, they need it. 

7. Be a good student in your current classroom. 

Someday I think God will teach me about marriage and parenting. But right now I'm in a different classroom of faith. Different lessons. Encourage singles not to shove their current 'classwork' aside. Challenge them to learn how to be good students now. 
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I would not recommend lobbing all seven of these points at your single friend at once. But we need to be reminded of these truths. And in the end, these truths encourage and refresh us much more than what is often said. 

Beth