the 'does he like me?' game and how to win

he loves me because he looked at me. he loves me not because he doesn't look at me. he loves me because he talked to me. he loves me not because he talks to other women. he loves me because he "liked" my fb status. he loves me not because he's not my fb 'friend'. he loves me because he sat next to me. he loves me not because he sat with his buddies. he loves me because he responded like_______. he loves me not because he didn't respond like______

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Surely this won the 'most cheesiest google image' award

As junior high as that sounds, these thoughts and more can control us when someone available appears on the radar. So, how do we win in this attraction game? Here's a bit of strategy from that strange yet wonderful platform of personal experience:

Don't mistake visual contact for attraction. 

It's an exhausting mistake. Sucks up time and energy like a whirling vortex black hole thingy, and distracts one from any shred of ministry. It also distorts reality. We ladies are very good at stalking down men's eyes, and--when they happen upon us (most likely by mere coincidence)--reading into them what isn't there. If a man is serious, he's going to speak to us at some point. Marriage proposals aren't built solely on glances. 

Don't mistake chivalry for attraction.

A man opening a door for a woman is most likely not a subtle symbol of unrequited love. But chivalry is so unusual today that by sheer force of its rarity, we can read into gentlemanly acts what isn't there. So show gratitude and admiration for the man who's treating you right. He deserves it. And he deserves to be chivalrous without fear of you falling at his feet begging to be his wife. 

Don't mistake kindness for attraction.

I have great Christian guy friends. And as I observe the norm for unsaved men around me, my admiration for my guy friends only increases. They are bucking a mold that is constantly being forced on them by this world. Just like we are. 

And one way they buck the mold is by being kind to women. This is something more than chivalry. It's a setting aside of self and agenda to actively demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit in others' lives. When you receive this kindness, you're experiencing godliness in its truest form. Not necessarily an overture of love. 

Don't mistake social media activity for attraction. 

Social media complicates things. Just, don't take it too seriously. If a guy's content to 'date' you by liking a status, or through venues that starts with "twit-" or 'insta-", you may not want to encourage that anyway. At some point, if he's interested he's going to bring the relationship into the real, face to face world that we all (should) live in. 

Truth: All of the above points could be signs that a man is interested in us. 

Truth: All of the above points are not necessarily signs of a man's interest in us. 

So how do we win the attraction game?

Want to win? Think what is true. Unless a guy's made his interest clear (that's going to be a verbal thing), don't assume. Our minds can go from attraction to wedding, to children's names, to retirement together in .1 seconds. And even though we try to reign it in in public, those thoughts are going to effect our actions. The imagination can be the playground of wishful thinking and lies. Win by focusing on truth. 

Want to win? Act like a child of God. God's children don't manipulate each other. Ever. They don't scheme. They don't tempt with something they can't righteously give (there goes flirting). They love, respect, and fellowship like mature brothers and sisters. Like equals before God. With all purity. That doesn't exclude having outrageous fun together. But it frees us from the stressful intrigue, heartbreak, and baggage that mark our peers in the world. 

Want to win? Say good, edifying things. No corrupt communication. That knocks out flattery, deceit, doubtful topics, strange woman speak, and any words meant to draw men towards us. We must determine to actively avoid this list. Edifying words build the hearer up. Towards Christ. They don't bend, twist, or distort the hearer. So we let our tongues be ruled by the law of kindness. Full of gentleness, love, joy, peace... And whether I think this handsome, available dude near me is interested or no, should not change what I say or how I say it. I have a higher calling to steward than that of snagging someone's attention. 
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Basically? We win by being Spirit-filled, obedient believers. Even in the complicated and emotion-laced matters of love. And honestly, if we can trust God for salvation, we can trust Him to grow relationships in His way in His time. He will never call on you to violate the above points in order to 'accomplish His will.' And he will never say: "I wish_______ would quit living too righteously for me to get her married" He's bigger than that. He used a donkey, a whale, and fantastic acts of nature to accomplish His desires. Clearly, He can guide His beloved children. Trust in that and do right. 

And in the doing, you will win. 

Beth