surely this darkness

If I say,

And by say I mean think. or feel with every fiber, or find repeating to myself in hushed tones in close private before it ever shapes into words and spills out my mouth...

"surely the darkness will overwhelm me.

I mean this discouragement just take over me. This emptiness. This barren stretch of life. Snuffed energy. This unanswered prayer. Relentless, whittling trial. This consuming grief. This deep plunge into a swelling disappointment. Billow wave of failure. Surely, this will be too much...

and the light around me will be night."

I mean all the good turn rotting bad before my eyes. When slow but sure like sinking sun, I begin to see only the shortcomings, failure, and unlovely in those who I love. When the shining glory of the daily mundane dims in the face of its taxing necessity. When the thick blanket of reality falls heavy on sparkling possibility. When all that I would point to as right, and in order is snuffed out in chaos and wrong...

Even the darkness is not dark to You.

The evil that seems so real to me is not so to the eye of God. His understanding is not dimmed by mine. Dark and light blend crystal clear before their Maker...

And the night is as bright as the day.

The clear radiance of Providence illuminates the work of His hand. He may skillfully work all of His design in my discouragement, disappointment, grief, and failure. No shadow of my current reality can distort His purposes.

........................................................

If I say surely this darkness, then I am mistaken. Then it is my understanding that is dimmed and distorted. Because ruin is not in the mind of the One whose kind and loving eye shines constant bright into my personal dark. Healing is. Sweet mercy is. And refreshing grace. Help in my need. And a warm loving kindness. His hand manipulates the dark intentions of evil, weaving them beautifully together for me. He's told me as much. And proven it.

So we find in Psalm 139 a greater reality than whatever darkness we face today. And we lift our heads and bend our hearts Heavenward as we think, and feel with every fiber, and repeat to ourselves in close private, then let it take form and wing to His waiting ear:

Surely, my God...

Beth