something immovable

It was the last day of our family reunion on the coast when I realized it.

The beach is one swirl of constant motion. 

In the early morning light, I saw it so clearly. Shells tumbled up and skidded back in harmony with the tide. The sand continually whisked from under my feet. The crashing forward then sucking back of the waves. The wind shifting the clouds and mist of an endless sky. The morning sun hidden then at once bright shining. Even the pelicans, sandpipers, and seagulls were in perpetual motion skimming waves or strutting down the sand. 

'Uh, Beth, it took you seven days to realize 
things move on the beach?...'  

Let me explain myself. 

You see this revelation, although obvious, was the opposite of a memory that had captured my thoughts all week. One of a previous reunion on this stretch of beach. One of my Dad.

My Dad, and a certain stringy-blond, waif of a little girl who would not be content in the shallow water. And I've not forgotten what it felt like to wrap my bony arms around his neck and cling tight to his back as we made our way to where the waves flung their bubbly spume and rolled their mighty rolls in what seemed a magical deep. Nor have I forgotten what I felt as those waves towered high above our heads and, at times, swallowed us whole in their powerful curls. 

I felt bold. 

And fearless. 

Let the waves crash against my tiny frame. let them turban my long-stranded hair about my face and fill my mouth with the taste of salt. I was attached to something immovable. And when my strength gave way, something greater than I anchored me tight: My Dad's thick, strong arm was about my waist. I could face the waves with a sheer joy that rivaled that of the cawing gulls dipping in the sky above me. 

This scene played out many times at our reunion last week. Tiny nieces and nephews all timidity at the ocean's edge. But against the broad shoulders of my brothers, they became reckless bold and laughing as the waves rushed about them. They knew what I had so many years ago. Though their lilting voices and waving hands could not explain it, they were attached to something immovable. And that changed everything.

Life is one swirl of constant motion. 

From every direction it crashes against us all unpredictable and daunting. At times we feel it rip the very ground from underneath us. And the future clear and bright shining all at once turns taciturn. We tumble. We are pulled and pushed.

But we are attached to something immovable. A Rock. A Strong Tower. A Fortress. And though our flesh and heart fails, we find about us an arm strong in salvation that will not let us go. So let this world surge around us, let it tumble and plunge us. We face it bold. Fearless. With a certain abandonment of joy. For nothing can pluck us from our Saviour's grip. He told us so. And we've known it true. 

But it's not just that we're anchored fast to this Rock. Hidden in every wave-curl is a sovereign design. As this life towers then crashes into my thousand-edged points, those jagged corners of me, they transform. They soften, and purify, and tumble us smooth and shining. Making us more reflective of the Christ who holds us tight in His strong arm.

And that's when those around us notice. Scouring this broad earth for a shell-shard of meaning...Look, they say, this one's different. It's all smoothness. All gentleness, kindness, meekness...all joy and confident faith...how can that be on a beach of manic, roaring motion? Then we need only point them to our Saviour.

And what was a faint reflection in us, they see full on for themselves in the face of Christ. Our Rock.

Beth

on being your own boss

Must be great being single. You're FREE! Independent from parents, no spouse/kids...wow! 

I hear that sometimes. But being one's own boss isn't all awesomeness. There's a heightened need for 'self-governance' on the single path and that can be challenging. Here's why:

1. Because I can't always say yes.

I'm a yes addict. Captivated by it's power to show love and kindness. And as a single, no one's standing over me saying, don't. But a constant yes makes me frantic and ugly. Singleness requires that we be skillful at the gracious no. That's challenging.

2. Because I can't please everyone.

Not every eye's gonna look on me kindly. Some will question my no. Others raise an eyebrow at my priorities. Still others wonder why I did______ or didn't_____. And as one, that can be hard to handle. It requires a determination to please the Lord and not man. Challenging indeed.

3. Because I can't maintain superhero status. 

I love doing it all: churching, hostessing, yarding, writing, committee-ing, housekeeping, friendship-maintaining...go ahead and add a Captain America drop roll and punch kick while you're at it.

But I can't keep it up. And that's ok. Because God never intended us to be superheroes. He calls us children. Well He knows the limits of our 'feeble frames.' My all doesn't have to equal scaling walls and vaulting my body off rooftops. Remembering that's a challenge. 

So what do I do?

Learn to number my days. What does God say about my time? How do I want to spend it? Don't let life strap you to the gilded horse of its whirling, stomach-flopping, merry-go-round. Count out your minutes. Be wisely de.lib.er.ate.

Learn to seek the Lord. First. Less knee-jerk yes, more wait. Sometimes the slow answer is the best answer. So give it a minute, day, week...pray over it. Do I have time for this? Energy? Will it affect what's already required of me? If I seek the Lord first, then I can be assured the 'all things' that are added to my life are what He wants.

Learn to care for my temple. It's God's. A stewardship. If my body's not healthy, how can I do my Father's business? Exhaustion doesn't equal spirituality. Never has. What are my physical limits? What does my body need to function best? Wrestling with these questions is not carnal. It allows me to be most effective for the Kingdom.

Learn to see the value of retreat. When I fail at the previous three points (and I do), I schedule a spiritual retreat. Here's what it looks like:

Time: 1-2 evenings after work. Maybe a whole vacation day. Or a weekend. The idea is, there's enough time to slow down and concentrate. Enough time.  

Place: Anywhere. Alone. I've retreated in my apartment, to a friend's travel trailer, to (most recently planned but thwarted) a local hotel room.

Content: Writing down what fills life right now and praying through it. my own thanksgiving service. naps. reading my favorite psalms back to the Lord. apologizing for falling asleep while praying. belting my favorite hymns out in my own key. coffee coffee tea coffee coffee decaf coffee. thinking through the future before the Lord. minimal technology. examining current frustrations/discouragements with an open Bible. easy (but awesome) food...

Results: I'm settled and refreshed. Several no's and yes's to give. A thankful heart. Refocused daily routine. My opinion? Retreats like this are necessary (and possible) for us as singles. Because we must be guided by God's thoughts in how we govern our lives. No one can do this for us. 

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So we learn to number days, seek God first, and care for our bodies. And when life gets tough, we deploy the secret weapon of spiritual retreat. Don't let that powerful weapon rust.

It's a benefit of being boss.

Beth

I never expected it

A recent Saturday morning found me hunched over a plate of bacon and french toast with a steaming cup of cheap coffee clutched in my hands. The chatter of early-risers and the clink of dishes made a girlfriend bend a little closer across the table as she spoke:

 "I have this friend, you know. And she's a believer and all. But she's really struggling with not getting married right after graduation. She keeps telling me, I just never expected this. "

As our breakfast continued (and I struggled against the carb-induced, semi-comatose feeling that IHOP never fails to deliver) that phrase kept turning in my mind. When have I thought those words? Later that day, this led to my favorite activity: the almighty list. 

I never expected

1. To discover my little sister having a seizure as she lay beside my bed. And how that night would change the landscape of our family's life ever since.

2. That I would ever stand on that huge stage clutching a Master's degree diploma. (And hoping I wouldn't trip, faint, or throw up. That was free.) 

3. To stare into a dim hospital room at a man enmeshed in countless tubes and blinking machines, thinking this can't be my Dad...

4. The sky to be so blue and the tops of the pine trees so green as I cannon-balled my body off a massive cliff over the boundary waters of Northern Minnesota.

5. That being away from my church while it suffered through the difficult split would be so heart wrenching. 

6. The melody coming from Yo-Yo Ma's cello to be that stunningly beautiful from where I sat peering through opera glasses in the balcony stratosphere. 

7. The ultrasound tech to number that many tumors and refuse to answer my "but are they cancerous?" pleas as I lay on the exam table an ocean away from home and family. 

8. My heart to feel so full as I leaned against the bamboo hut surrounded by moon-washed rice fields and listened to the impromptu Bible lesson.

9. The phone call that one of my most loyal and beautiful cheerleaders had just been found alone...having passed from this life when we least expected it. 

10. The joy to be so rich as I looked for the first time into the faces of each infant niece and nephew and saw my siblings in them.  

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Quite a random collection, right? Reminds me of a phrase from the hymn Day by Day: 

Lovingly, it's part of pain and pleasure. Mingling toil with peace and rest. 

Every life has unexpected good and bad. There's pain, pleasure, toil, peace, rest...just like the list above describes. It's a mingling. But this hymn describes another reality too: 

Every day the Lord Himself is with me.

That's the shimmery thread that weaves itself in and out of all the unexpected. The one ingredient that remains undiluted through all the mingling. Because if space allowed, I would describe how I knew the Lord's presence in each of these 10 situations.

You've known it too. How He's been a Wonderful Counselor. A Mighty God and Everlasting Father to you. How you've seen Him in the unexpected and found Him to be the Prince of Peace. The Shepherd. The Fortress. The High Tower. A Sun. A Shield. The I AM ________. 

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So I give an understanding nod towards my friend as I stir more cream into my coffee refill. I get it. The unexpected throws us. But it doesn't have to. Because whether we learn to live by this reality or not, whether we feel it or not, whether it seems like enough or not, the Lord Himself is with us. In the good, the bad, or the ugly. All that we need. We can bank on that. Hope in that. Set our expectation on that.

day by day. 

Beth

topics you've asked for: the single and the future

Once upon a time, there lived a single person. They were not necessarily young. Nor were they old. But alas, they were aging. And one day they found themselves in this never-ending mental debate. It sounded something like this:

I'll probably stay single so I will...

Stop sinking my money into rent, and buy my own home. 

Start upping my retirement fund. (because who will care for me in old age?)

Start rolling out the blueprint of my career advancement.

Stop waiting and buy fine china, a king-sized bed, and...etc. etc. etc.

I will probably get married so I will...

Start planning the details of the wedding.

Stop being so independent.

Start honing wifely (or husbandly) activities.

Continue in a holding pattern until that happens.

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If you're single (or have been) this mental debate is probably familiar to you. So, (not as if I have any connection to the aforementioned single), here's a few guiding principles that have been helpful to me as I consider the future:

Don't let possibility stop you. 

"Beth, what is in your heart to do for Jesus? Do that." I thrilled to this counsel when I heard it years ago. Because I know the gifts God has given me and what I love doing for Him.

Don't let possibility stop you. Set your sails to do what you want to do for Jesus. Love full-time ministry? Work towards that goal. Love missions? Make a game plan. Love glorifying God by using your skills in a secular workplace? Do. It. (and so forth) If, in any of these pursuits, God would have you do something different, He will direct you. That's what He does.

Wear out your prayer place.

Uncertain about plotting your course? Lacking wisdom? Ask God for it. Keep asking. Wear out your knees asking. Not as if you have to constantly ask to get it, but that every time you ask, you receive it. He will not withhold wisdom and chide you for asking. He gives lavishly.

Be careful to take no thought. (check out that wordplay) 

If worry is growing in me, then I must dig it out. It's never the right response. Trouble is, inevitably I find anxiety rooted in the soil of unbelief. I'm anxious because I'm not in control of future things. Because I don't trust that God is. Because I don't actually believe that He is able to do what He says He will do for me. Beware: anxiety flourishes in a heart of unbelief. And it's fruit is as ugly as it is toxic.

Trust God with the consequences 

So what if I keep doing what I want to for Jesus and He suddenly changes my course? All that time, energy, ability, training, experience...wasted.

Friends, our God is bigger than that. Am I walking with Him? Content? Building up believers? Seeking the lost? Growing in my relationship with the Word and local church? Then there is no waste. And if, someday, I end up starting a new life of singleness or marriage from scratch, this is no surprise to God. We can trust Him with the consequences of trusting Him.

Be faithful (not stressed) about unrighteous mammon. 

As believers, we don't need to look to money for security. We all are/were young and, if the Lord tarries, we will all be old. But we will never see the righteous forsaken. We will never beg bread, or lack clothing and shelter. Ever. He will supply our needs. Always. There's no other way to interpret those verses. 

But we don't ignore money either. God calls us to steward it faithfully. This may mean that we start saving for a home. Or that we max out our 401k. In fact, it will mean countless individual things as God directs us. But we act from a position of trust. A firm understanding that the "buck doesn't stop" with us to provide for our financial future. Ultimately, the weight of our welfare rests solely on our Heavenly Father.

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Helpful? I hope. This post is the first in a new series called 'topics you've asked for.' Trust me, these topics are much harder than the little ones that dawn on my own brain. But look for more in this series as the weeks continue. And, as every once upon a time must end...

Live happily ever after. 

Beth

when a friend shipwrecks

I recently learned that a friend of mine has 'concerning their faith, made shipwreck.'  Or at least that's the passage that came to mind as I saw their brazen (and yet oh-so-broken) current beliefs and lifestyle. 

This friend? We'd laughed together, ministered together, had talks about spiritual things...this friend has tremendous talent, and a personality that wins followers left and right. 

My first reaction to this news was a strong mixture of grief and panic. But after prayer and some time, here's a few thoughts that are guiding my response. 

Accept that they are personally accountable 

Who knew about this? Where's the large collection of faith-filled friends that swarmed about this person? Why no confrontation? How could________have let this happen?

Those were my first thoughts. But truth is, I can't hear every voice in a person's life all the time. And I had to accept that each of us are personally accountable to our Maker for our lives. Most likely, there were life rafts galore and countless buoys thrown directly in front of this friend. But ultimately it's the choice of the person in danger to accept rescue. 

Examine your influence

Being the person of action (sometimes knee-jerk reaction) that I am, thoughts of IMing, setting a coffee date, organizing a group intervention, repelling from a helicopter into their very dwelling (you get the idea) all ran through my head when I learned of my friend. But in the end I had to sit still and ponder my influence. I am a peripheral person in my friend's orbit. Probably not the best person to launch and lead an all-out rescue mission.

Do others have a louder voice in my friend's life? Yes. So I find these people and encourage them. Pray specifically for them. Ask how I can best hold the ropes for them. And seek the Lord about increasing my own influence in this friend's life.

Act on the value of prayer

Prayer is not a second-hand option. A frayed version of some better game plan. It's not to be entered into with a sigh and a "I guess this is all I can do." Prayer is something that God calls us to, guarantees His attention, and promises a definite response. When I pray, I can ask for things that only God can do. Like conviction. And prayer sees God-sized results. Do I believe that? Then I would act on it. 

Be ready for when they 'come to' 

Someday, by God's mercy, my friend will wake up. And it's not going to be pretty. Like a flailing, wounded victim, they're going to need someone's help in that moment. Someone to speak life-restoring truth into their lives. To pour in the healing salve of hope. Going to need the supporting assurance of mercy as they confess and forsake their sin. 

I want my friend to know that I'm ready and available when they reach that point. A phone call away. A short drive. Here's my address. Here's where I'll be every Sunday and Wednesday night. You know where to find me during the week. Call. Come. Write. Anything. I'm here. I love you. Because God first loved us. 

Believe that God can

I don't have to "saviour." God does that. He's the master rescuer. But can God in this situation? Honestly folks, my friend's in deep.

God can. My Bible says it. In fact, there's not room to list the broken, maimed, thousand-sharded lives that His grace has touched and made whole from Creation onward.  And He's got a stake in this much deeper than I do. It goes down to His very image. 

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So I go forward with steady confidence. Understanding that it's not my fault (or someone else's.) Knowing my role. Praying earnestly. Ready. And believing. Believing that my friend's story doesn't end with a shipwreck. Believing that on the next page is a rescue wrought by the power of God. 

Beth

World, you didn't do right by me

You see, there's this Irving Berlin song in the famous holiday movie White Christmas. 

A woman jilted in love (or so she thinks) croons a gorgeous contralto as she sweeps across the stage in her black taffeta gown with bejeweled back: "Love, you didn't do right by me..."

Recently, this scene came to mind as I examined my response to mistreatment by the world (Random, I know). As Christians, we're told to expect this. So why am I so wounded when those around me without Christ act like...well, like they don't have Christ? 

Cue "World, you didn't do right by me..." because I want to grasp an imaginary microphone and croon this line to my own pity party on continual replay. Not exactly the response Scripture teaches. So here's a grouping of truths about mistreatment and the Christian. Nothin' new here. They're very 'Sunday School.' But this week I've discovered they're exactly what I need. 

Expect this: 

They will persecute you Not a possibility. Or a high probability. It's an absolute surety. As I act on this driving, God-instilled, yearning to be transformed in Christ-likeness, I'm going to be persecuted in some form by the world. 

They will speak against you. Bible-reading, church-going, sacrificing-to-do-right you. And while falsely, all manner of evil, and revile are pretty general words, ain't none of 'em pretty. 

They will demand costly things. Like the boy in the famous children's book The Giving Tree, this world will demand costly things of you without payment or thanks. And what looks innocent and intriguing under Silverstein's pen, is quite another thing in real life. 

Do this: 

Do them good. Good as apparent and personal as the evil done to you. Bless them. As opposite of 'curse', it's verbal. Bless in every word you say to or about them. (brief pause as I ask God's forgiveness) Pray for them. And the context implies it's not imprecatory prayers. 

Offer the other cheek. Adrenaline is the fight or flight hormone. For me, it's not flight. So to stand still not resisting the evil but offering for it to continue? Wow. Give to them. Don't refuse. And give free. Do more than they require. Go 'two miles.' Exceed expectations. Even when it takes considerable time and energy. 

Attitude this: (I couldn't think of a better way to put it, ok?)

Love In return for hate. Love for enemies. Not a putting up with them. Not ignoring. Not a facade of good will (the world already does that quite well), but genuine love.

Rejoice No, even more than that: be exceeding glad. It's not something subtle or hidden. 

Hope for nothing in return. No thanks. No acknowledgment. No change in their behavior. No praise for doing the right thing. Hope for nothing. 

Obeying the 'do this' commands is outrageously challenging. But obeying with these attitudes? Absolutely impossible. So what's the hinge that swings open the door of possibility? What we believe.

Believe this: 

Your reward is great. My reward, like that of the persecuted prophets, sounds like a future thing in this passage. But what a reward! My Creator who knows my personality and loves is the one fashioning it. And He tells me it will be great in its extent. 

You will look like your Heavenly Father. I LOVE being identified as my parents' child by how I look or act. But to look like my Heavenly Father's child? Our greatest desire. 

Christ reviled not again. Suffered the full blast of the world's hatred without sinning. Kind to the unthankful and evil. By responding like Him, I become a clearer reflection of this perfectness and mercy. And the world is left saying, 'that must be a child of God.' 

You are blessed. Happy in the here and now. The highest possible good now. A quality of life rich and meaningful. 

All this requires faith that God is a rewarder of those who pursue Him. Faith that weighs what I can't see and finds it more than the persecution I certainly do see. Faith that I can respond correctly through Christ who strengthens. 

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I've never been so aware of the price of identifying with Christ in the everyday. More convinced of the necessity of it. More certain that without Him, I can do nothing good when mistreated because of it. But by faith I can acknowledge that the world 'done me wrong' and still rejoice. Great is my reward. And I am the child of my Father in Heaven.  

Beth G. 

I wish I could tell marrieds: the relationship status question

Ever wonder if the singles in your life are dating? 

Want to ask, but not sure you should?

Well, kiss your wonderings goodbye. 

Your amazing, never-wrong, humble, single blog writer is here with some helpful thoughts. 
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First, avoid these attitudes when asking: 

The put-some-fire-under-you attitude

Are you dating YET? (insert hands-on-hips, get-along-with-it, you-are-obviously-not-doing-your-part vibe.) This is not going to go over well. Mostly because it comes across as straight-up accusatory. And it will fail to express the care and respect we know you want to convey. 

The Mr. Fix It attitude

You're NOT dating? (insert full body scan with furrowed brow and meaningful nods) As if the ask-er has figured out by mere observation why the single isn't dating. I've heard some colorful opinions on how to improve myself from people with this attitude. But, I'll admit, when asked this way, it closes my ears to any shred of helpfulness they may offer. 

The dead puppies attitude

Surely you're daaaating? (insert pained expression of billowing sympathy) This is well meant. But it does imply that dating is akin to life itself. Relationships are a huge part of life. But singles are smart enough to know that dating and marriage are not all that life is about. So if your question has an overtone of sorry pity...it may not be well received.

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Avoiding these attitudes? Then ASK AWAY. And here's why: 

It makes us feel human

When people avoid the topic of dating/marriage/family, singles wonder why. As if we live in an invisible (and somehow taboo) area between youth and adult. At times, this feeling can be heightened in Christian circles. So, ask us! It makes us feel human.

It reminds us of our worth 

Really? You think I could spouse and parent? You don't assume I'm too...or not enough....? Well then. (insert picture of Beth holding her head a bit higher) That's what a well-placed status question can do for a single. It strengthens us against the barrage of insecurities and discouragements that the world and the devil faithfully lob our way. 

It builds our character muscles

The more singles speak about their season of life, the more training they get in how to do it right. How to answer with grace. Answer honestly. How to form a Biblical, concise, faith-filled response. If we're never asked, then our thoughts will lack those opportunities to develop past so much spaghetti. 

It opens possibilities 

Some singles are majorly anti-matchmaking. Others would love some help. Some waffle back and forth. Do you know two singles who (it appears) could better serve God together than separately? When you ask the status question, it opens up the possibility of your role in that. Trust me, if you know us well, and avoid the attitudes above, you're leagues ahead of most who are matchmaking today. 

It widens the prayer circle 

Two friends recently followed up the status question with this: "How can I pray with you?" This is a tremendous encouragement. Ask with a genuine determination to listen, believe them, and pray. And you can only bless the singles around you. 

It helps us communicate

Some of us keep desires buried deep inside. Also, no single wants to be known for continually talking about their escapades (or lack there of) in the dating/courtship/findingalifemate universe. But squelching the desire for marriage and family is not the answer. It's a God-given thing. Goes all the way back to a garden and a rib. 

Ask, and you give us a chance to express thoughts and desires without sounding like we're obsessed with them. This helps us share what we're learning. Provides accountability. And keeps those natural emotions near the surface where they belong. 

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This post is not going to accurately reflect every single. Age, personality, life experience, gender...all these can effect how singles respond. But keep these thoughts in mind and, in my (cough cough) humble opinion, they will help you be the blessing you want to be. :)

Beth 

Curious about other posts in the I Wish I Could Tell Marrieds series? Take a look here and here