I wish I could tell marrieds...(Part 1)

"Wow. I wish I could tell marrieds this!" 

I think that once and a while. And since this is my blog, and you read it, you will be subjected to these posts as they come up. (Happy Birthday) Eventually, when my blog IQ rises, I will archive them together for easy access. But for now, here's Part 1: 
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One side of the coin:

I watched this movie last week (which I am not condoning by mentioning.) The basic plot was several Christian mothers who, worn out by constantly BEING NEEDED, plan a ladies' night out together. And, of course, the night goes hilariously wrong.

One mom I know admitted to weeping the entire time she watched this film because it was so "close to home." Others laughed uproariously for what a clear representation it is of the constant and great demands placed on them as mothers. And all sympathized with the desire to escape from being ALWAYS NEEDED. 

The other side of the coin:

(If he only had a heart...)

Recently, I was asked to hand off a small ministry for a Sunday service. This happens. Different or greater gifts are needed at times in the body of Christ. God's work is bigger than me-- and for that I'm glad.

BUT, on this occasion, I absolutely fell apart. It was like the last shred of BEING NEEDED was swiped away from me during a season when I was already feeling unnecessary as a single. And I'll admit, my reaction was not pretty.
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Do you see the contrast between the two sides?
One represents the single's longing to be needed.
One represents the married's longing to be, well, less needed. 


As far as I can tell, a parent's role is defined by how they are needed. The need for discipleship is built in. They have the love and need of a mate (however imperfect it may seem) built in. Many are dependent on them. They are naturally looked up to because of their role. And lauded publicly in the body of Christ for their positions as spouse and parent. This is good and right. 

A single's role is not so obvious. We arrive/depart as we please. No immediate time and attention constraints when in a group. But it can appear like a great vacuum to us. A vast open emptiness that we're not sure how to fill-- especially when it comes to life in the body of Christ. We think: are we needed? And is our role necessary to God's work? We're not raising families, after all.

               (A few of us in Charleston where George Washington once sat!)                

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I can't imagine the strain of constant need. Really. No. Idea. But with the other side of the coin in mind, here's what I wish I could tell marrieds: 

1. Just be aware.

That singles have no built- in "needers" in our lives. That this can be difficult for us.

2. Tell us how we are necessary to the body of Christ.

Example: A mom friend recently thanked me for a service to her family and detailed why it was such a blessing. She was implying: "We needed you!" And that pretty much made me feel like a million bucks. It's even spurred me on to more good works. Do this! Point out our value. Sometimes we don't see it. 

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3. Pray for us.

This "need monster" can get out of hand. Just look at my reaction above. A single can start to allow their perception of their value to determine their feelings and actions. Of course we are as valuable to the body of Christ as mothers and fathers. God makes no distinction in the NT teaching on the church. So pray that God will give us victory as we train this 'need to be needed' to stay in its Biblical place. 

4. Share your life of "need" with us.

We want to understand it. What it's like to be constantly needed. We want to be your friend not just your babysitter in this time of life. We want to pray for you and share in your downfalls and victories. Let us in!

And both sides of the coin will benefit.

Beth