50 New Year wishes (more or less)

1. less breaking of ceramic plates and glass bowls (ahem)

2. more good decaf

3. less tripping over nothing

roommates after an ice storm in February

4. more of anything 'plush' 

5. more laughing so hard no sound comes out

6. fewer lima beans

said goodbye to these sweet friends this year

7. more sushi

8. more bacon

9. less falling asleep the moment our heads hit the pillow

 produce from my garden in June

10. more falling asleep reading our favorite books

11. less 'my will'

12. more 'Thine be done'

13. less Mr. Collins

14. more Mr. Darcy

 Birthday greeting in March

15. less "I deserve this"

16. more "you first, I'll follow"

17. more like a little-Christ

18. less like the world

19. more DIY, PTL, and BFF

the siblings at our reunion in August

20. less mental MIA

21. more triple word plays 

22. less McDonalds

23. more Chipotle

24. Chipotle

25. less staring into electronics

the best pizza ever in September

26. more staring into the eyes of people-who-are-out-of-this-world-awesome-namely-our-friends-and-family

27. more explaining why we're staring at these people

28. more debonair

29. less going to walmart in our pajamarams

an epic weekend with my nieces and nephews in December

30. less talk radio

31. more Pandora

32. more black and white romantic comedies

33. less zombie anything 

how exercise went for me this year

34. fewer limp handshakes

35. more bone-crunching hugs (with permission) 

36. more water

how mornings went for me this year

37. less yelling our point

38. more considering the points of others

39. more Queen Elizabeth

40. less Britney Spears

41. more 'what does the Bible say about this?'

said hello to this sweet niece last month

42. less 'what does this book/personality/camp of thought say about this?' 

43. more wind-blown hair

44. less helmet-head hairspray hair 

how I sometimes feel about this coming year (via nephew Alex)

45. more leaning into awkward situations

46. less keeping things surface 

47. more smiling and waving at strangers

48. less drivers-using-their-cars-like-battering-rams 

how I mostly feel about this coming year (via niece Emma)

49. less me and you

50. more Christ that lives in us

Beth 

the big singleness WHAT IF

Funny how a new step in life stirs up the same questions no matter how we've answered them firm and solid in the past. Questions traced back to who God is and how He works. I've watched this happen when my friends start dating, married couples expect their first child, families contemplate a cross-country move or career change...As life advances, we're called to act on what we know about God in ways we haven't before. And the old questions can loom large and appear jagged-new. 

Okay, I'll tell you. At least as much as I can right now. 

I'm right on the brink of a huge life step. (insert unflattering squeal) And I can barely keep my act together from day to day for the excitement of watching God work on my behalf in this change. But there's these worn-but-new questions all up in my face. They blur things. They distract me. And I find they must be dealt with. yet. again. 

One of these questions concerns singleness (shocker, I know.) And honestly? I hate this question. Really. It's rather embarrassing. And totally theologically messed up. I've settled it firm in every life season since I've been an adult. But here it is even when I'm all faith and expectation, and can't-hardly-rein-the-joy-in...

What if doing this keeps me single? 

Yeah, that question. Singles often think, 'God's in this. But what if I make this move, take this position, start______, leave this location, leave this ministry, let this change happen...and, you know...I somehow miss marriage because of it?' So, here's what I've been using to quell this ugly question recently. 

.............................................

God never changes. 

I met change once. It was a cliff towering over the boundary waters of northern Minnesota. I was fresh out of undergrad on a canoeing trip with Christian school teenagers. Cliff, water, teens...you probably get where this is going. I found myself dragged up that cliff heart pounding and smile plastered on my 'don't show fear they can smell it' face. But most of my teens? Didn't bat an eye. They laughed and giggled and fist-pumped and ran at break-neck speed towards the cliff edge and flung themselves wide-armed and open-mouthed into a blue sky. I stood 12 feet from the edge praying for the rapture. And only by Divine grace did they get me to jump once. And that was more like a this-is-taking-years-off-my-life, Jesus-I-love-you-so-save-me-now hop into sheer oblivion with every muscle tense and fists clenched. 

That's how I do change. Maybe you're more of the arms open wide type. But all singles have one thing in common: we enter new phases of life alone, as just one. That can run the gamut of intimidating to paralyzing. But new things don't change God. Even if the new becomes old and finds me still unmarried. He will always be with me, always love me, always help, protect, guide, enable, and fill me with wisdom, satisfy me. He never stops being true, kind, just, merciful...you know the references to these verses. Hold tight onto them. They're the invisible parachute in the free fall. 

God always works in my favor. 

That means as I follow His will, I can't miss out on anything good for me right now. It's impossible. Whether the next step brings closed or open doors, advances or setbacks, singleness or marriage...God is working all things together for my good. Bank on it. 

God never calls me to accept 'what ifs' 

Someone  asked me once, "But what if you have the gift of singleness? Are you submitted to being single for the REST OF YOUR LIFE????" (insert raised-eyebrow glare) And in my mind I was like, "Ah, no." God doesn't require that. He never calls a barren couple to be ok with never having a family. Or a sick person to be ok with being sick for their entire life right now. That's crazy, fatalistic thinking.

But God does call us to be content right now. Submitted now. Surrendered now. And as the 'nows' progress...well, you get the idea. So, single? Don't beat yourself up if you're looking at the next step unable to say you're good with being single in that step for ever and ever until thine last breathe amen and amen. Just launch forth and be content now. Don't let the what-ifs keep you from what God has next.

God's grace is a 'leveler' 

Like a rushing flood of water, it raises the valleys, and lowers the mountain peaks. We can't see how this mighty current of grace effects where we are headed, because it's directly underneath us. We're riding it's crest. The crest of have all, and abound, every good work, and sufficient, in all things, perfect in weakness, doing all through Christ. And lifted on this mighty wave, the deep valleys of singleness (and we could name them) are simply not that deep. And the seemingly insurmountable peaks of singleness (and we could name them) we find a simple arm-stretch away. Hey, listen, I've proven this true. Go and do and allow God to change _______. And expect the grace. Grace to take the next step as a single. And grace to continue that good work (single, or not) for as long as the Lord directs. 

............................................

So, yeah. Old questions. New change. Same God. Unfailing grace. That pretty much sums up life right now in Beth-land. May God use these same truths to encourage your hearts today. 

Beth 

what NOT to get your single friends for Christmas

1. A lifetime membership to Christian Mingle

2. Have You Tried This? A Layman's Guide to Snagging the Right One  
(3vol. illustrated set) 

3. The sequel to above set: 101 Ways to Manipulate God's Will

4.  Mistletoe seeds 

5.  Cologne or perfume with names like Irresistible Hunk and Flirty Girly. Especially if they come in body-shaped bottles. (editor's note: nothing good comes in body-shaped containers.) (ok fine, except Aunt Jemima) 

6. A Shutterfly book of all your mutual (available) facebook friends 

7. Twin sheets with a 30yr. warranty 

8. "Our First Christmas" photo frame with "by faith" markered across the embracing, Hollywood-esque couple on the sample picture

9. Stock in Kleenex

10. The single-people-who-have-found-'the one'-late-in-life-and-are-now-inexpressibly-happy calendar. 

11. Your honeymoon album

12. Coupons for anything appearance related 

13. Spanx

14. Stock in Twinkies

15. Why Animals Make the Best Soulmates Anyway (unabridged edition) 

You're welcome. 

Just here to help. 

Anytime. 

Beth 

to be near

A recent Sunday morning. early. Okay, early-ish. Strong cup of coffee cupped in my hands. Perfectly toasted, buttered, and cinnamoned piece of homemade bread plated and resting next to me. (jealous yet?) Sun beating against the cream curtains. Fuzzy blanket over my lap. Favorite arm chair. I take hold of the frayed, brown bookmark and flip my Bible open to where I'd left off the morning before. Psalm 91. Perfect, I think. Familiar, full of devotional truth, Messianic overtones...I take a steaming sip from my mug and start to read. And I get lost. In the first 4 verses. Can't leave 'em. A rich thread of truth shows itself, and I find myself tracing it over and over. It winds its way through stunning word pictures, connecting them in a way I'd never noticed before. Here, let me show you...

........................................................

He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

What is this place? The place of the most High. His home. A place shaded by His presence. Where am I here? Dwelling. Abiding. My location is secure and familiar. I'm not leaving. I belong here. Welcome here like I am in my own physical dwelling. Where is God here? Very, very close. His shadow is covering me. 

I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

What is this place? A refuge and fortress. Something secure. Difficult to penetrate. Where am I here? Inside. Sheltered from harm. Taking cover from danger. Protected. Safe. Where is God here? He's the fortress, the one I'm inside. Yeah, think on that for a while. 

Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.

What is this place? Well, we know it's dangerous and harmful. Something intentionally set to hurt me. Loud. destructive like a pestilence. Where am I here? Very close to this danger. Close enough to 'step in the snare' and hear the 'pestilence.' Where is God here? He's the rescuer and guide. Keeping my steps from the snares and pulling me from the danger. 

He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shall thou trust;

What is this place? A feathered wing. A canopy of feathers. A place of warmth. A soft, gentle place. A place of nurture and trust. Where am I here? Underneath these feathered wings. Sheltered, warm, safe. Where is God here? Covering me with Himself. Drawing me close. 

His truth shall be thy shield and buckler.

What is this place? Where do you need a shield and buckler? In battle. Danger. Potential or realized. Where am I here? Behind the shield and buckler. An entire body can hide behind a ancient shield. A buckler is smaller and held close to protect the internal organs (or so I read). The picture here is one of complete protection. Where is God here? Ok, so I'm equating His truth with His presence in this phrase. A stretch? Not so much. He's positioned close enough to protect me completely, or held tight against me like a piece of clothing. 

See what the Psalmist is doing here? Never once does he say God is near, but with every phrase he paints a striking picture of that reality. Over and over. Phrase by phrase he's saying: look at it this way. It's like you're dwelling in His home, overshadowed by His presence. Or better yet, your dwelling in Him. How about this: He's close up beside you to guide your steps and rescue you if you get trapped. Or maybe it's more like He's covering you with Himself like a bird her young. Actually, He's something you can hide behind...or held fast against you.

...................................................

My Sunday morning reverie cut off quick-like with a casual glance at the clock. Had to set down the empty mug, shrug off the warm blanket, clear the dirty plate, leave the sunlit room, begin preparations for church...all that quiet, physical comfort 'popped' like a floating bubble. But the truth of the nearness of God has no time constraints or physical limitations. 

And as this Christmas season winds me up and sends me whirling from each program, party, and other tradition-necessitates-this activities, I want these pictures front and center. Want them to influence my actions and thoughts. Want them to inform both the sentimental emotions and deflated expectations of this time of year. My God is near to me. In, above, around me. He is my home, my guide, covering, protection, and rescue. Psalm 91 tells me that. 

And to be near? I think that must be one of the greatest gifts offered this holiday season. 

Beth

the painful places

A couple weeks ago, I had my first ever appointment with a massage therapist. After some general information gathering and small talk, she asked one simple question: Where are your painful places? And instantly my mind crowds with the death of a loved one, keen disappointments from years ago, trials, and (I'll be honest) a few realities of single life. Painful places. Obviously, the question was not meant to be taken that way. But it set in motion an analogy that would consume my thoughts long after I left that gentle room. Here's some of those thoughts.

We all have painful places 

Maybe it's my Millennial showing, but sometimes I wish my aches and pains were something special. Like Beth's Syndrome or something. But they're not. Many of us have chronic or recurrent physical pain of some kind.

And that's true of painful places in our lives as well. It's what the Fall did. It created pain. Created loss. Created death. Trials. Sin-bent flesh. Failure. Disappointment. And if we're not experiencing one of these at this moment, we will. Or we bear the lasting imprint of when we have. 

God will work on these places

The therapist didn't just point out my sore muscles. But sometimes that's as far as we let God go. Through His Word and Holy Spirit He identifies our painful places, and respond with "I know, God. It's horrible. I can't get victory over this. I can't heal from this loss. I can't get past this trial. This failure. This hurt. I get it. I'm a horrid Christian for having this place. I'm useless." 

But God does not reveal our painful places for us to wallow in shame over them. He desires to work on them. The pressure He's applying is meant to heal. To bring relief. To transform our broken places until they reflect His whole image. Do not pull away from this work. Keep yourself under the pressure of His Word. Surround yourself with it. Meditate on it. Apply it. He is working in you to will and do of His good pleasure. Bank on it. 

Sometimes we're unaware of them

I expected the therapist to work on certain muscles. But what I didn't expect was for her to find more. There were tense, inflamed places I didn't know I had until they were touched. 

And so it is with God. He's not content to work on the most painful parts of our lives. He's after complete healing. So don't despair when He places His hand on an area that you didn't know needed healing. This is His grace. 

God's working may not feel good or bring immediate relief

Yeah, I winced a few times. I got goosebumps (I do not like goosebumps.) And some muscles were definitely sore afterward. But now I'm experiencing tremendous relief. 

Healing wounds itch. Bones being set? Not fun. Rehabilitation of tendons and muscles? Just ask someone in physical therapy. So don't faint when God reproves an area of your life. When He sets (disciplines) a painful place in line with His truth. When He touches a memory made sore by bitterness. It's not going to be joyful.  But it's for our good. Let yourself be exercised by this work. And watch it yield tremendous relief. 

God identifies with our pain 

Physical pain is personal. But when the therapist said, "I can tell that there's pain here." I can't explain what that meant to me. She identified with my pain to an extent most cannot. 

God didn't create pain. He created perfection. Well He knows how sin has marred what He made. And He would not stand aloof and watch it happen. He sent His Son Jesus Christ to take on our form. Identified with mankind by fashioning Himself as a man. Experienced fantastic loss in this incarnation. Knew pain and rejection. A man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief. Tested in every way we are tested. And all of that? That was not enough.

Christ would experience man's most painful place: a sin-induced separation from God. He severed Himself. Rent the triune bond of the Godhead as the Father hid His face from Christ on the cross. Christ, who was bearing my sin in His own body on the tree. Think long on that. There could not be a more intimate identification than this. Could not be a greater love than this. A greater offer than this. An offer of healing. Healing of the painful places. 

................................................

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Heb. 4) 

Beth 

guest post: primer for beginner singles

As soon as I read this outline written by a good friend, I became a beggar. And you're in luck! They've let me share it with you here. Obviously, every point could be fleshed out more, but these points 'pack a punch' just as they are. May they challenge and encourage you. 

........................................

Root out this godless thinking: 

Why am I single?

• There is something wrong with me 

• Completely by chance 

• There is still some ACTION I have not accomplished yet 

What should I do in response to my singleness?

• Think constantly about how to attract a spouse

• Do things to attract the attention of potential spouses

• Date unsaved/ungodly singles

How should I respond to the losses of the single life?

• Immediately blame all my problems on singleness 

• Smother my BFF and expect them to meet every emotional need! 

• Cultivate non-edifying entertainments and hobbies to fill the void 

• Compare my life with others 

Determine to plant and water this biblical thinking: 

Why am I single? 

• Because God is good to me. Psalm 119:68 Thou [art] good, and doest good; teach me thy statutes. 

• Because God has wisely designed my life.  Daniel 4:35 And all the inhabitants of the earth are reputed as nothing: and he doeth according to his will in the army of heaven, and among the inhabitants of the earth: and none can stay his hand, or say unto him, What doest thou? 

• Because there is a specific purpose God is accomplishing in my life right now.  Psalm 138:8 The LORD will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O LORD, [endureth] for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands. 

• Because there is a need for me in The Body.  I Corinthians 12 

What should I do in response to my singleness?

• Cultivate a magnificent view of God.  Psalm 8:4 What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him? 

• Choose everyday to believe God when He reveals Himself as good.  Psalm 119:128 Therefore I esteem all thy precepts concerning all things to be right; and I hate every false way. 

• Refuse to compare your circumstances with others’.  Psalm 145:9 The LORD is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works. 

• Know when to prescribe MORE Bible.  Job 23:12 Neither have I gone back from the commandment of his lips; I have esteemed the words of his mouth more than my necessary food.

How should I respond to the losses of my single life?

• Learn to quiet yourself.  Psalm 131:2 Surely I have behaved and quieted myself, as a child that is weaned of his mother: my soul is even as a weaned child. 

• Ask God to put your losses into perspective.  Genesis 41:51 And Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh: For God hath made me forget all my toil, and all my father's house. 

• Set ETERNITY as the screen saver of your mind (keep in mind “this is not ALL we get”).  Titus 2:13 Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ...

Beth

singleness is not

Judgement

'I must have done something wrong in God's eyes. God must be punishing me for_______. God must consider me unworthy of marriage. I need to get better at doing life first. Once I can make God happy enough by my spirituality, then maybe He will send me a spouse...'

Let's take this view back to Scripture. Who, why, and when does God judge? Think about it. If you are His child, you need not fear His judgement. Ever. Chastisement? Perhaps. But not His judgement. 

This judgement mindset enslaves us to meritorious works. As if we can change God's (seemingly negative) mind by making ourselves better. But our righteousness is as effective in forcing God's hand as it is in earning salvation. It's not. This thinking also smacks of accusation (I'm bad, I missed something...) But God does not accuse His own. The great accuser does that. Don't let him sweep you into thinking you're living under God's frown. 

License

This is the world's view of singleness. Currently not married? AWESOME. You've got license to drift, to splurge, to party hardy, to be immoral...you're pretty much allowed to let selfishness rule in every area of life. Singleness gives you this temporary pass, so make sure to live it up before it runs out and you find yourself restricted by the bonds of marriage and family. 

This 'party hardy' mindset can affect even Christian singles. But if my motivations and actions reflect the paragraph above, then I'm living according to this world. And God's Word has some pretty strong words about that. 

Scripture does point to a freedom woven into singleness. But it's a freedom, not a license. It's the freedom to use the resources of our single life to bring God glory in ways that we could not if we were in married life. Read that sentence again. Let it sink in. 

The Pits 

There's this outrageous Russian character in my favorite Jimmy Stewart film. He has one main line throughout the plot: It stinks.  Our family loves quoting this. It's simplicity and the pleasure of donning a thick Russian accent make it nifty in a wide variety of situations. 

And singleness can make one feel like putting that line on constant repeat. It can truly feel like the pits. Why are we so tempted by this? Because unless we're careful, we mentally strip singleness down to its difficult parts while applying yet another glitter-coating to marriage. Of course I would never confess to you that I catch myself doing this all. the. time. 

Unfortunately, when we strip singleness and embellish marriage, we're left with an inaccurate view of both. You don't want that view. It's not reality. It's not Biblical. And, it stinks. 

A Gift 

I can almost see the raised eyebrows. But let me explain. There are several connotations of the word gift that make it a poor choice to describe singleness. That's probably why the Scripture doesn't describe it that way. 

Now, every good and perfect thing comes from God. And our God's loving sovereignty does orchestrate what life 'gives' us. But singleness is a marital status in Scripture. Something that can change. Something that has benefits and difficulties. Freedoms and limitations. 

And hearing singleness described as a gift can make singles feel guilty (because many of us really don't want this gift), angry (because it's most often called that by those who don't have it), frustrated (because we're keenly aware of its difficulties), or just plain depressed (because it's often described as a lifetime gift.) So, don't make it your first choice of words if you want to encourage your single pals.

.................................................

Whew! Singleness is not a lot of things. But this is the top four for me. I hope they've been a challenge and encouragement! 

Beth