no more waiting

I know, I know: This isn't the day I post on the blog. And I'm aware that I'm in the middle of a two-parter on friendship. But this testimony's gonna burn straight through me. So consider it a freebie, or an odd intrusion, or a Monday surprise...or...ok, I better stop with that. 

Last week, I had the privilege of attending a sacred concert. My heart swelled to bursting with the delightful melodies and rich orchestration as they drew my mind to focus on Bible truth. But for me, there was a Divine purpose in that concert. I'm convinced of it. For right in the middle of singing of God's character, work, love, and plan, I discovered I've been doing life all wrong these days. 

I've been waiting. 

You see, I've asked God to open a door of opportunity. And the last months, He has. A crack. Just a slant. Enough for me to catch a glimpse of what I think is next for me in this life. And it's made me almost slap-happy for the seeing. But there's necessary information missing. Details that lay beyond the sliver of light cast from that door. So I've been waiting. 

And how many times have I told God that I trust His timing as much as His hand? 

Told Him that I won't act until He makes those details clear- until He opens that door full-wide for His name's sake or if He chooses not to for His name's sake. This opportunity swings on the hinges of God's sovereignty. I'm convinced of it. And trust me, I know that white-fingered prying or body-weight launching against that door will not do. Don't ask me how I know. 

But as my heart swelled in that concert with all I wanted to do for God in response to His work in and for me, I began to think: God, I can't right now. I'm waiting...on You. (funny how the tone of our hearts can surprise us.) And I realized that I've put my whole life on hold. I'm waiting on God for this so I can't really do this. Can't invest in this ministry, person, responsibility, opportunity etc. I'm embarrassed to say this waiting has paralyzed my devotional life. Made me scared of blossoming friendships. Kept me from investing my full energy in my church and job.  

When it comes down to it, we're all waiting for something in life. Some wait for graduation. For a marriage partner. for that change or advancement in career. for a child. for another child. An empty nest. grandchildren. for the end of a trial. for a return to physical health. for something new. For more_______ or for less________so we can_________. 

And waiting on God is Biblical. You'll find it from cover to cover. David especially seems to have a firm understanding of its importance. But somehow I'd taken that spiritual dynamic and put it in physical terms. Waiting in our everyday is a passive thing, right? I sit still in the doctor's office as I wait for my appointment. I wait in line at the grocery store. I wait for my computer to download and update. Waiting is kind of a mind-in-neutral, inactive thing.

But waiting on God is not to be that way. Check out David's life. The man was a spinning tornado of continual activity. He's protecting sheep. Slaying giants. Running from enemies. Ruling a kingdom. Writing proficiently. He's a husband and father. A friend. A skilled musician. All of this while waiting on God.

So by the time the last strains of music had faded last week, I had confessed wrong thinking, and asked God to renew a right spirit in me as I wait on Him. And I had determined that I will fill the waiting. Fill it with worship that matches the "big-ness" of my gratitude and love for Him. Saturate it with Scripture. Pack it with all manner of good works for God and His people. I will throw my "soul's fresh, glowing ardor" into my spiritual walk. All my energy into my God-given responsibilities and friendships and opportunities. 

God can light up my path and direct my steps when He wills. I won't stop acknowledging Him in all my ways. He can open or close that door of opportunity or guide me to another one. I won't stop doing anything I know to do for Him as I wait. 

Beth