singleness is not

Judgement

'I must have done something wrong in God's eyes. God must be punishing me for_______. God must consider me unworthy of marriage. I need to get better at doing life first. Once I can make God happy enough by my spirituality, then maybe He will send me a spouse...'

Let's take this view back to Scripture. Who, why, and when does God judge? Think about it. If you are His child, you need not fear His judgement. Ever. Chastisement? Perhaps. But not His judgement. 

This judgement mindset enslaves us to meritorious works. As if we can change God's (seemingly negative) mind by making ourselves better. But our righteousness is as effective in forcing God's hand as it is in earning salvation. It's not. This thinking also smacks of accusation (I'm bad, I missed something...) But God does not accuse His own. The great accuser does that. Don't let him sweep you into thinking you're living under God's frown. 

License

This is the world's view of singleness. Currently not married? AWESOME. You've got license to drift, to splurge, to party hardy, to be immoral...you're pretty much allowed to let selfishness rule in every area of life. Singleness gives you this temporary pass, so make sure to live it up before it runs out and you find yourself restricted by the bonds of marriage and family. 

This 'party hardy' mindset can affect even Christian singles. But if my motivations and actions reflect the paragraph above, then I'm living according to this world. And God's Word has some pretty strong words about that. 

Scripture does point to a freedom woven into singleness. But it's a freedom, not a license. It's the freedom to use the resources of our single life to bring God glory in ways that we could not if we were in married life. Read that sentence again. Let it sink in. 

The Pits 

There's this outrageous Russian character in my favorite Jimmy Stewart film. He has one main line throughout the plot: It stinks.  Our family loves quoting this. It's simplicity and the pleasure of donning a thick Russian accent make it nifty in a wide variety of situations. 

And singleness can make one feel like putting that line on constant repeat. It can truly feel like the pits. Why are we so tempted by this? Because unless we're careful, we mentally strip singleness down to its difficult parts while applying yet another glitter-coating to marriage. Of course I would never confess to you that I catch myself doing this all. the. time. 

Unfortunately, when we strip singleness and embellish marriage, we're left with an inaccurate view of both. You don't want that view. It's not reality. It's not Biblical. And, it stinks. 

A Gift 

I can almost see the raised eyebrows. But let me explain. There are several connotations of the word gift that make it a poor choice to describe singleness. That's probably why the Scripture doesn't describe it that way. 

Now, every good and perfect thing comes from God. And our God's loving sovereignty does orchestrate what life 'gives' us. But singleness is a marital status in Scripture. Something that can change. Something that has benefits and difficulties. Freedoms and limitations. 

And hearing singleness described as a gift can make singles feel guilty (because many of us really don't want this gift), angry (because it's most often called that by those who don't have it), frustrated (because we're keenly aware of its difficulties), or just plain depressed (because it's often described as a lifetime gift.) So, don't make it your first choice of words if you want to encourage your single pals.

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Whew! Singleness is not a lot of things. But this is the top four for me. I hope they've been a challenge and encouragement! 

Beth 

Psalm 46 (as I see it)

For the choir director. 

A Psalm of the sons of Korah,

set to Alamoth. 

A Song. 

God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.

           Therefore we will not fear,
                          though the earth should change
                                     though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;
                                     Though its waters roar and foam,
                                     Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride.

                                                    Selah.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
The holy dwelling places of the Most High.

             God is in the midst of her,
                          she will not be moved;
             God will help her when morning dawns.
                         The nations made an uproar,
                         the kingdoms tottered;
                         He raised His voice,
                                       the earth melted.

The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold. 

                                                    Selah.

Come, behold the works of the LORD,
          Who has wrought desolations in the earth.
          He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth;
                        He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
                        He burns the chariots with fire.
Cease striving and
know that I am God;
         I will be exalted among the nations,
         I will be exalted in the earth.

The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold. 

                                                    Selah.

what to say to 'stuck' singles

We all know singles who seem stuck in life. They're functioning adults, but they haven't found their career or spouse yet. No family yet. Maybe they keep going back to school. Drift in and out of dating. Their current position may not match their education. Maybe they talk about feeling 'stuck'. Maybe that's just the word that comes to mind when you see them. So, what do you say when life runs you up against these people?

Well fret yo-self no more. I'm a professional stuck.
And here's what we need to hear from you:

1. There is no stuck.

Remember that time I debunked my entire blog post on point number 1? Yup.

No really, we don't see stuck in Scripture. We see Abraham maturing in faith as he waits on God's promises. We see Joseph growing in favor with those around him as he sits in jail. David pens our favorite Psalms while in the 'holding pattern' of waiting to rule the kingdom. Paul and Silas take their shackles as opportunity to fellowship with God and a church is born. 

There should always be forward movement in Christ-likeness. A growing in grace and the knowledge of God. A reaching forth to things before us. Don't let singles sit back on their haunches because they seem to be in 'dead time.'

2. Look for the illumined step, not the assumed step. 

We can assume life will take a direct path of highschool, college, marriage, children, more children, (perhaps more children), marriage of said children, grandchildren, retirement etc. And deviation from that path can be met with disappointed tolerance, questioning suspicion, or active frowning from others.

But God is the great creative. He weaves paths as diverse as we are. So challenge singles not to stare at where the next step should be, but to seek how God could be leading them. To ask for varied counsel. To read widely. To pray big. To research how God is at work in the world around them, and consider how their skills fit in with that work.

3. Advancing God's kingdom doesn't require advancing to the next phase of life. 

I'm limited by being single. Yep. Been there. Actually I come and go from there pretty often. Have the bumper sticker. Own a rental on that beach. You get the idea. It's easy for singles to think they're strapped in what they can do for God. But I've read my Bible from cover to cover and have yet to find that anywhere. Remind 'stuckies' of this. And while you're at it, remind them of this closely connected point:

4. There's no qualifier for glorifying God. 

Are you eating? Are you drinking? Are you doing, I don't know, whatsoever? Then you can glorify God. Marrieds have no corner on whatsoever. It's a free for all.

5. God doesn't keep good from obedient children.

He's not withholding something best. An understanding of His love and sovereignty must lead to that conclusion. But singles can get fixated on the good we seem to be missing in marriage and family. So point them to God's love and sovereignty.They need to hear it.

6. Your life counts. 

My sister's life has followed a most beautiful arch. I've admired it from her first crush on my brother in law, up til now as she mothers their four children. I cannot adequately express my respect for her. So I well nigh fainted when she confessed, "Beth, I admire your life so much. How God is using you for eternal things. The opportunities you have..." I was like, what? And now we have this habit of dive-bombing each other's lives and pointing out how they count, the worth they have for eternity. Do this to singles around you. Trust me, they need it. 

7. Be a good student in your current classroom. 

Someday I think God will teach me about marriage and parenting. But right now I'm in a different classroom of faith. Different lessons. Encourage singles not to shove their current 'classwork' aside. Challenge them to learn how to be good students now. 
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I would not recommend lobbing all seven of these points at your single friend at once. But we need to be reminded of these truths. And in the end, these truths encourage and refresh us much more than what is often said. 

Beth 

would you recant?

"If a gun were pointed at your head would you be strong in your faith? What would it take for you to recant? Are you willing to die for Christ?" Last week, questions like these crowd my social media in response to a mass shooting that appears to have targeted Christians. 

I've been asked questions like these since I was young. And of course I would loudly affirm my faith with the other awkward adolescents around our Sunday School table, or raise my hand with the masses of pimple-cheeked teenagers at Christian camps. But my insides would always whimper I don't know.

The Christian Martyrs of Nagasaki
[public domain] via wikipedia

I still don't know. It's never happened. And (let's be honest) there's a high probability it won't happen to me. Of course, I sincerely hope I would act on what I know to be true about God and eternity. That I would face death with my belief strong and steady. That there would be special grace to make the ultimate decision. However, that's not required of my faith today. 

But very much IS. 

You see, I may never be asked if I will deny my faith with the cold metal of a loaded gun pressed to my head, but let me tell you what I am asked:

Skipping one day of Bible reading isn't going to affect you, right?

Has God really given a clear 'no' to this questionable activity?

Why don't you (insert lifestyle choice that dishonors God)? 

Do you really have time to seek God over this? 

Will you choose right even when it feels wrong?

What do you believe about_______?

Will you esteem this fellow believer as better than yourself? 

Won't you linger over that carnal image? 

Will you deny self?

Do you really have to suffer long and be kind towards_______?

What makes you so different?

How can you live without wild parties, drugs, and sex? 

Do you really need to forgive that person?

Are the consequences of choosing this sin really that bad? 

Isn't 'down time' supposed to be 'me time?' 

Don't they deserve the silent treatment? Angry word? Curt response? 

Will God really work this together for good? 

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Each question bombards me in some form almost every day. 

Each question demands an answer. 

Each answer will either deny or affirm my faith. 

Reality is, no one just up and dives in front of a firing squad while blurting out I'm Christian so kill me! Faith doesn't come Herculean. It must be built. I am to keep on reckoning myself dead to sin. To hold fast to what I've been taught. I am to daily take up the cross of identity with Christ. To add to my faith. 

We've got to quit thinking in superlatives and exotic possibility. To stop reclining on the stage of daily life while waxing eloquent about the bigger role we think we could master. Today, we'll be required to act out faith in both soliloquy and public address. Whether openly questioned by others, or simply called to believe in unseen things when embraced by the all-too-seen pleasures of sin. In these unexpected moments, my faith will be tried. 

And these moments? They're essential to the plot line. They are the plot line. They're worth an eternal weight of glory. They're more precious than gold that perishes. They make possible a well done thou good and faithful servant from a God who sees each split-second choice. They're necessary to pleasing Him who has called us to be soldiers. 

If we refuse to obey in these small moments, why do we think we'd obey in the big your-life-hangs-in-the-balance ones? But obey in the small-- affirm our faith in the little--and if the big comes, I think it won't appear that big. It will be met with a faith waxed strong through practice. A believer well-exercised towards godliness... 

A confidence in the glistening eternal matured on the worn, wooden stage of the temporal. 

Beth 

when the normal becomes hard

This was me all Monday: 

Don't wanna do dishes one more time. No more loading/unloading the dishwasher. No more stiff, smelly rags. No more food-gunk in the strainer. No more sore knees from standing on that floor so long...no more wiping down the counters and chipping dried stuff off the stove. Grumblegrumblemurmurgrumble.

I felt completely justified in launching this all-day pity party. Mostly because our kitchen goes from this:

(ok, blogger fail. I neglected to snap a pic of our kitchen when it was clean this week. Just imagine a tiny, warm, farm-style place.)

to this:

in about 5 minutes on any given day. It's fast. and it's total. It's gross. and it doesn't evolve into something better if left alone. 

Trust me. 

This frustration eclipsed my entire day. Couldn't focus on work. Couldn't think of anything else to write about (obviously). Couldn't revel in anticipation over this awesome recipe for tofu nuggets I'd downloaded for supper. Couldn't, because I was hating on my kitchen. (now, my frustration was with the kitchen, not the lovely people who share it with me. I would not be writing this post if it were otherwise. Trust me.) 

I dreaded this monotonous task until I was faced with doing it, and every minute of the many it took to restore my kitchen to presentability. And when I glanced at the clock, I hated this kitchen for swallowing whole most of my home-after-long-workday-and-grocery-shopping evening. It wasn't til much later in the evening that I remembered. Remembered what I'd written a friend just a few hours before:

'Study at the feet of Christ. Bow your head and out loud, invite Him to labor over your books with you. Mix fellowship with God into what you do. In the end, this is more important than knocking out an amazing grade.' 

Yep. Conviction of cosmic proportions. I had divorced my normal from my spiritual. 

Yet. Again. 

I do it all the time. Put certain activities under a spiritual heading and others under everyday life. But I think Satan rejoices in that. Because it's not the truth. Truth is every moment of a believer's life can be a spiritual one. One of speaking/listening to God. One of worship. One of abiding. 

And it takes something more than just 'going with the flow' or sheer determination to live every day spiritually. It takes a dependence on the Lord. Takes faith. Takes a filling of His Spirit. Takes intentional asking, seeking, and knocking. The Word dwelling richly in us. Without Him, we can do nothing. But through Him? You know the answer to that. 

A woman named Lydia Baxter understood this. If her online biography is correct, she spent the majority of her adult life sick and bedridden. Normal monotony for sure. Yet at age 65, just four years before her death, she penned this well-known hymn text:

Take the name of Jesus with you,
Child of sorrow and of woe;
It will joy and comfort give you,
Take it then where’er you go.

I fell asleep Monday night praying for this. To seek the filling of His Spirit before the mundane tasks. For conscious abiding in Him as I go about my normal. To take that precious name and all that it means into the crooks and crannies of everyday. 

Whether they need scrubbed clean or not. 

Beth