When life knocks you down

I mean what do you do when life snowballs and crashes into you all sharp-edged and heavy? And not even strong, I-got-this-right-now you. Your weakest you. 

And, of course, you've had no choice but to let your guard down--Life is in two-hands-necessary mode right now. Work and home, and church, and things, and people, and worries, and possibilities, and...all these fill your arms like a massive load of laundry.

And stuff keeps dropping from the pile. Necessary stuff. Things you need to make life match. To keep it well dressed. Crouch down to snatch up what's fallen? Something else's going to topple off. 

That's when it will come. 

And crouching there with your mounded life, you feel it full on: the avalanche of a thousand sharp-edged don't forgets, and need-nows, what-ifs, and not-enoughs. 

What are we going to do then? 

Because in that moment when life holds us smashed under it's deep pile, that's when we're going to hear the hum of Satan's whispers. 

Lie #1 You've got to get back up without dropping one thing. 

If you don't, all of life's gonna implode. Just going to collapse in a wicked-witch-of-the-north heap and you're going to lay there smoldering in failure and shame while people stare in morbid curiosity and pity. Right? 

Lie #2 You're never going to be able to handle life. 

You're how old now? When are you going to grow up/man up/clean up/shape up? People all around you do life so easily. Naturally. Never get thrown down and plowed under. Just quit now. You'll never get like that.

Lie #3 God doesn't love smashed-down, weak people.

I mean let's be honest, we don't. We call them high-maintenance, life-suckers, black holes. We avoid them. And if life shoves us up against them we endure them. Why would God be any different? 

Lie #4 You're useless to God. 

Immobilized under the crushing weight of life? What could God do with that.

And as these whispers swirl and hiss about you,

you're going to need truth. 

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Burdens weren't meant to be carried.  

They were meant to be cast. What makes these things so heavy anyway? The responsibility of them. So one by one, cast the responsibility for the success, timing, and care of these life-things on arms that already "uphold the government of worlds." And as you move forward, He has promised to sustain. Whether things drop or not. Ps. 55:22

You can handle life with Christ's strength. 

Take a look at Prov. 24:16: 'A just man falls seven times and rises up again." Notice it says that he falls. We have to change our definition of handle, friends. Handling life doesn't mean perfection. It doesn't mean no crashing. It's not going to look like that airbrushed billboard the world shoves in front of us. According to the Word of God, successfully handling life means we get up again. And looking to Him for strength, we can do that. Every time. 

 God delights in loving the weak.

God so loved the world that couldn't save itself. God demonstrated His love towards sinners. In due time, Christ died for the ungodly. And what about those who keep messing up and turning to their own ways? God laid on Christ all of their iniquity. That is who God loves. He loves those who are incapable. In salvation and sanctification. His steadfast loves endures even in your weakest.

 God uses those who are bad at life. 

Look closely at Hebrews 11. Most in the "hall of faith" had lives pocked with failures, weaknesses, discouragement, getting-smacked-down-and-getting-up-again. And what is God's commentary? He brags on them. As if to say, "just look how I used them. Used them because they acted on what they believed about Me. They did in faith." 

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And at the end of the day, it's not what we're going to do: If we can weather the knock down, how much our arms can hold, how fast we get up, how strong we feel...What matters is this: Am I doing in faith? Believing what is true about God? Believing that He will sustain me, enable me to get up again, love me no matter what, will use me even in my weakest? 

Dear friends, with faith it is possible to please Him. 

Whether life knocks us down or not. 

Beth

how to love singles

Beth as a single 2yr. old

You care about the singles in your life. 
You really do. 

But how does one go about showing that love? 

While each single is going to be a bit different on these, here's a few pointers from my own life and several of my single friends: 

1. Do put your love into words. 

Put it into words and tell them by text, email, sky writing...but at the very least, face to face. And want to really communicate care for singles? Tell them why you love them. Details are the ice cream cones and french fries of love. 

2. Don't put your love into how-to-get-un-single words every time you speak.

It's easy to think this is an awesome way to show love. But most often it communicates a disapproval of or dissatisfaction with a single's life. if every time marrieds speak to singles the topic is marriage, matchmaking, and making families, it may not be showing the loving care they think it is. 

3. Do find ways other than babysitting to fit them into your life. 

An occasional babysitting date does as much good for singles as it does for marrieds. BUT if the only time you were approached by someone was so they could ask you to come to their home for several hours to do something that was hard work and loads of responsibility and they weren't going to be there...

Consider these other ways to fit singles into your (crazy, hectic, meeting-constant-needs, every-moment-filled, to-do-list-a-mile-long) life:

• Having a movie/pizza night with your kiddos? Consider inviting a single or two to join. 
• Got a special Saturday project you're working on? Invite a single to participate in that chaos. 
• Family day trip and an extra seat in your car/van? You get the idea. 

Also, realize that singles will be most comfortable doing something with just you. This may seem impossible to you right now. But make it a goal! Nothing says "I value you" more than one-on-one time. 

4.  Don't be derailed by a "no." 

One family I know continually invites me to join them in awesome activities. I'm not often able to say yes. But guess what. They keep on asking!!! And they have shown a very beautiful love to me simply by continuing to ask. Don't be turned away if a single can't join every time. Keep it up! That alone shows how much you care. 

5. Do ask thoughtful questions about singles' daily life, pressures, joys etc. 

Then settle in to listen. And if they clam up (as I often do) keep asking regularly. Singles will open up as they see you really do want to know. And as hard as it is for marrieds to be "all ears" as their family swirls around them, nothing's going to communicate your love and respect for us like asking and listening closely. 

6. Don't exclude them from life in the club.

There's this club, you see. And it's AWESOME. But the people inside it can carry tremendous burdens, needs for prayer, and daily struggles just living life. 

Welcome to Club Parenthood.

But singles don't want to just lounge outside this club sipping their frapps and shootin' the breeze. Nor do they want stare smoosh-nosed through the glass as parents bustle about inside. They want to be alongside you. 

We know you draw tremendous support from friendships with other members. But perhaps we could offer a cup of cold water when the going gets tough. Or maybe just by our listening ears, wide eyes, and promises of prayer we can ease the burdens of this club. The work of this club is so very important. Dear friends, let us in. You will benefit and we will feel loved. 

7. Do praise them for genuine accomplishments.

They're gonna look very different from yours. 

But singles are working hard at what God has given them to do right now. Encourage them that their calling is God-given and important. And rejoice with them.

8. Don't wait until they begin the married phase to show them attention. 

Engaged/newly-weds experience a deluge of personal attention from marrieds. It's like going from 0 to 150mph in one day. Brings people out of the woodwork who may not even know your name. And suddenly you're asked out on double dates, parties, activities...that the week before you didn't even know existed. 

Unfortunately, this makes it appear like singles are not worth the noticing and including until they cross that relationship barrier. Start developing friendships with singles now. Nothing communicates our worth more. 

9. Do recognize their strange and awkward ways of trying to show you love. 

We're not too good at it. And I'll be the first at the confessional. Is there a single who seems to crash (or shyly poke) into your well-established family life, asking questions, talking, and doing unusual but somewhat helpful things? That's probably us trying to show you love. Be amused. And if you would go the extra mile and disciple us in how we can better show you love, we will love you even the more for it. 

Beth 

Valentine Schmalentine

Don't have a valentine this year?

Think positive.

1. You don't have to worry about the number of chocolates you stuff in your mouth at one time (or the resulting volcanic eruption on your face) because no one is staring googly-eyed at you. 

2. You don't need to pretend to be happy for a poorly chosen bouquet of...a 1/2 dozen red carnations with generic greenery. 

3. You have no unrealistic expectations. 

4. You can put what you would be spending on a personalized gift into your savings account (woohoo). Or better yet, use it to fund the amount of kleenex you will need on the 14th. 

5. No feelings of anxiety to match or exceed the secret surprise your significant other is planning. (oh...you got me a mercedes? well, (ahem) I got you a bag of skittles--insert nervous laughter and eye contact avoidance--) 

6. If this Saturday sneaks up on you unawares...no harm, no foul. 
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Ok, so maybe these points really don't help. But the reality is, most every single-and-not-currently-dating person has some kind of battle plan to get them through this mushiest of all mush-mush days. 

Some find peace in blending the perfect snarky comment and pouring it all over social media. Others find hibernating in their home alone in the dark and watching I Love Lucy to do the trick. Still others may be so brave as to EAT OUT ALONE. And some find comfort in setting aside the day to reflect on God's personal, powerful love for them. But whatever your battle plan for this Saturday happens to be, do remember these four simple guidelines:

1. Be kind.  

Really. If you find the need for snarky cannot be squelched, use it sparingly and make yourself the brunt of it. BE KIND in your comments and conduct around those who celebrate this day with someone special. It's Biblical. 

2. Don't compare. 

Want to stay off the struggle bus this 14th? This point's really gonna help. Don't compare what you and your friends-with-significant-others have on this day. It will only lead to discontent and anxiety. And we all know what our Bibles say about those. 

3. Rejoice with those who rejoice. 

Human love is a beautiful thing. And many of us singles will watch friends and dear ones rejoice over it in just a few days. Decide now that with God's help you will rejoice along side them. Take some time this Saturday to thank God for your married or dating friends. And as you bring them before God's throne, pray for them as well. Though beautiful, human love on a fallen planet is... well... fallen. They need prayer. 

4. Don't forget the one thing that you need. 

See the valentine at the top of this post? It was given to me by my Dad many moons ago. I'm not sure how he chose the words to write in his small, scratchy printing, but I DO know it began the theme of every written or spoken counsel he's given me since: remember that your relationship with God is the one needful thing.

I think of this often when confronted with holidays, events, and situations that I know are going to be difficult because I'm single. I think, "Beth, are you acting like the most important thing is your walk with God? Is that what you are most concerned about, or is it how you will come across, when the heartache will come, if the situation is going to get really awkward etc." 

Friends, only one thing is truly needful this Saturday. And it looks a lot like sitting at the feet of Christ. A lot like listening to His voice through His Word. A lot like communing with Him in prayer. Don't forget this thing. Christ Himself said it's the most needful of all of earth's needs. 

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So what's my battle plan? As one of my favorite authors says: that's for me to know and you to find out. But rest assured, whatever it is, by God's grace, I want it to be governed by the four points above. 

Beth

"but I have..." (marriage vs. singleness)

Sometimes I hear this from singles: "Well, they may have a spouse, but I have Christ." 

And I hear this from marrieds:  "Oh honey, Christ is good but wait til you're married!"

But can having Christ and having a spouse be compared like that? Here's some thoughts:

From a spiritual perspective, I have Christ.

And He is all I need and I am complete in Him (Col. 2:10). Since this is true of all believers, let's call it a foundation. There is no lack of any good thing in this foundation (Ps. 84:11). God has given each of His children everything they need for life and godliness in it (2 Pet. 1:3). 

From a physical perspective, I may be married or single. 

Each have benefits. Each have joy, life wisdom, securities, and pleasures that are unique to them. BUT the physical doesn't add to a foundation that was lacking. Nor does it decrease or increase the spiritual foundation. Someone is not more/less spiritual because they are married or single. In all history God has used and blessed both.

Here's a visual:    Physical reality: married or single
                          Spiritual foundation: God's child 

I know it's going to be hard to pull yourself away from the technical brilliance of that visual but do try to read on...

So how do we respond to our physical reality? 

1. Accept it as from God's hand.

Does today find you single or married? God did that. And if God did it, it's good. And it's for His glory. He does what He pleases in Earth and Heaven. Relax into it. 

2. Do not compare ourselves to others.

Comparison between marrieds and singles happens all the time. And it usually generates pride or jealousy. I Corinthians warns that those who compare are not wise. Find the way of escape and avoid this temptation. 

3. Do become skillful in using our physical reality for God's glory.

As a single, am I growing in "caring for the things of the Lord?"  How am I training the benefits of singleness towards glorifying God? As a married, how am I training my marriage, my family, my everyday caring-for-the-home chores to bring the most glory to God? 


And how do we respond to our spiritual foundation?

Jeremiah says, "let him that glorieth, glory in this: That He understands and knows me..." And Paul repeats that command in 1 Cor 1. MANY more scriptures could be listed here. Challenging me to treasure Christ and glory in my life in Him above all else. 

And here's what glorying looks like (from personal experience)

1. Sitting in the kitchen of a talented missionary wife, mother of five gifted children, helper in a vibrant ministry...and her (with spatula in hand) choosing to share spiritual lessons so dear to her heart that both of us can't help but rejoice over God's loving kindness to us.

2. Sipping a steaming cup of tea with a highly successful, professional single woman whose gifts have been lauded by large audiences across the world and her choosing to detail for me how God has made Himself real to her recently. Leaving us both refreshed and motivated to walk closer with Him. 

3. Munching on Japanese take-out with a recent widow and hearing her recount her new-found opportunities to minister in a children's Bible Club, disciple several young women, and open her home to young families. A living, breathing example of someone growing skillful in using their physical reality for God's glory. 

4. Listening to a young dad, with all the pressures, titles, and accomplishments of his crazy life, choose to give such powerful testimony of what he's learning in God's Word that we all can't wait to get home and open our own Bibles again. 
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What a beautiful exchange it would be if we replaced inaccurate and hurtful "but I have" comparison with "look what we have" delight. 

Friends, let's glory in Christ.

Beth