8 helps when you hear "I'm discouraged"

Discouragement grows in many soils. It has a varied root system and flutters above ground with a varied foliage. Yet it is common to man. I’m not able to cover all the roots and soils in this post, but my adult life has been pocked with seasons of discouragement in which I’ve been tremendously helped by believers around me. Maybe there’s something for all of us to learn here?

(preliminary point) Don’t dismiss the confession

You’re not discouraged, honey! Everyone knows you’re always happy.

If you really were struggling you would…and let me tell you about someone who was truly discouraged…

Hahahahaha…You’re fine, you’re fine.

Smile-blink-smile-blink-smile-smile-blink.

I’ve reacted some of these ways when I've heard of others' discouragement, and I’ve experienced them all. But it’s not in the realm of acceptable to dismiss a fellow believer’s struggles. We are called to build each other up (Eph. 4:16). To be tender and compassionate. (Eph. 4:32) To be looking diligently after each other (Heb 12: 15). Encouraging one another in an ever-increasing way (Heb 10:25). Being dismissive does not match the rest of those terms.

1.  Avoid pinning the tail on sin

When my sister and I lived together, we were always coming up with new word games and phrases (thanks, Mom.) One of our classics was “insta-judge.” We could toss it out whenever we heard (or spoke) critical remarks that were obnoxiously definitive and uninformed. It turned into a humorous way to give ourselves a reality check. But...

There is a Holy Spirit and we are not him. So beware of insta-judging the root of someone’s struggle with comments like what unconfessed sin are you hiding? What weakness? What relationship failure? What bad have you done that you are so castdown? The Psalmist David is a good example of how sin can be at the root of discouragement. But he also illustrates that a righteous man behaving righteously can sail straight into that storm as well. Beware the sin label.

2.  Never play whack-a-verse

It takes courage to speak up about discouragement in our conservative Christian culture. Courage when we are at our weakest. When someone does speak up, beware the temptation to hoist the first verse that comes to mind and slam it down without context or compassion. We’ve all experienced that, right? Right.

3.  Beware of glistening generalities

You’ll get over it

It happens to everyone

Just part of life sometimes

Prayin’ for ya (slap on the back)

Phrases like these have a hollow ring and a hollow affect. They may be quick and tidy, but they all fail to convey hope. Leave the hollow, shiny phrases to this world. We have the comfort of the scriptures that work a deep and healing hope. (Rom. 15:4)

4.  Run from the temptation to compensate.

We can’t swing someone out of discouragement by being extra-super happy around them. I had someone burst into a medley of children’s songs about joy when I was sad once. This was not helpful. This strained the very bulwarks of my sanctification.

As believers, we have the privilege of going deeper than the smile (or lack thereof) on the face. This may mean I sit clinging to someone in my living room weeping with them so hard I can’t see. (Rom. 12:15) This may mean I lift up and strengthen with truth and hope when I’d much rather just walk away because my own day’s been too hard already. (Heb. 12:12) This may mean I labor for their godliness as a mother labors in childbirth until Christ is formed in them (Gal. 4:19) And all of these responses will be more effective than a happy pounce.

5. Do ask hard questions and settle in to listen

Tell me what’s going on and how it all started? How is this discouragement affecting your everyday life? Your walk with God? What is helping you most right now? What passage of Scripture or truth about God are you clinging to? Who have you been reaching out to? What can I do that would be the greatest help to you? How can I hold you accountable during this season?

Not only are these questions going to gather important information, by simply asking and listening you will convey a beautiful love that is looking beyond its own things and caring for the things of others. (Phil. 2:3-4)

6.  Shed a personal light on the situation

Beth, we’ve been through that countless times in our ministry and it hurt every time. It sent us spinning and left us disappointed. Wow. I still remember what that was like. You ask God, what was that? But we just kept trusting and doing what He’s given us to do, and He settled our hearts again. We can’t turn away because things don’t make sense.

Honest? It was the personal testimony of this woman that opened my heart to receive truth from her not long ago. Coming along side someone or even from behind them in order to help them forward will take humility and honesty. It will take a sharing our own weaknesses and what has helped us. And that? Will be God’s plan. (2 Cor. 1:4-5)

7.  Address discouragement through Biblical example

Hey want to study how David dealt discouragement in the Psalms with me? Please someone do this next time you see someone cast down. The Bible is full of divinely placed examples for our learning and hope. Let’s use them.

8.  Commit to the long haul

Or just find someone who can because there is no quick fix. No spiritual pill you can hand someone and walk away. We can help deal with the root. We can offer hope. We can pray. We can encourage someone to trust God and walk in obedience even in their discouragement, but sometimes it takes a while for emotions to swing back into place. So let’s not throw in the towel after a 5 minute convo. Christ endured. We endure. We can help each other endure.

Beth

the broken home of love and hope

Because we’re all broken, right? And those of us who don’t look it are just really good at the hiding of it. We’re all fallen. Imperfect. Failures at something. We’ve all gone astray. Not one of us is righteous. And at some point we notice that we can try but we cannot. 

That’s gospel truth.

So we pull away from each other because broken things snag and rip open other things. We pull away from God because what sort of deity could be pleased with something incapable of getting it right? And must we really hobble through life with all our ugly showing. And what could possibly soften and cover these jagged edges.

 That’s when we remember God’s love.  

Because God does not switch on the light of His love when we look good and perform well, and cut it off when we don’t. And maybe we need to read that sentence again.

Nothing separates us from the love that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Our position of loving acceptance in the beloved is not based on ourselves. We may grieve Him and break our fellowship with Him, but we cannot break His love for us. Nothing plucks us from that. No force of evil. No catastrophic event. Death cannot do it. Life falls short of it. The future, and swords, and angels may try. And we may feel as if we’ve surely severed it this time. But the steadfast loving kindness of God endures forever. 

That’s gospel truth.

And we must remember our hope.

The Word became flesh, leaving the perfection of Heaven to set up His tent in this broken world. And He would still tabernacle in your broken. He would dwell in you richly. All His glorious perfect would abide in you and spring forth with much fruit. Hope for patience. Hope for comfort. Hope for strength. Hope in death. Hope in sin. Hope to get it right.

You see, our cracks and hollows are needed because if we’re all closed up glossy perfect, how can our hope be seen? It is not our perfections that will woo this world and our weary to faith in Him. It is seeing through our broken humanity and asking the reason for the hope who has so beautifully set up His home in us. Christ in us, the hope of glory. 

That’s gospel truth.

...................................

So when those life moments come. 

When the blinders fall away and we see how crippled we really are. 

We remember what is in this broken and we rejoice.

Love and Hope dwell here.

Beth