when a friend shipwrecks

I recently learned that a friend of mine has 'concerning their faith, made shipwreck.'  Or at least that's the passage that came to mind as I saw their brazen (and yet oh-so-broken) current beliefs and lifestyle. 

This friend? We'd laughed together, ministered together, had talks about spiritual things...this friend has tremendous talent, and a personality that wins followers left and right. 

My first reaction to this news was a strong mixture of grief and panic. But after prayer and some time, here's a few thoughts that are guiding my response. 

Accept that they are personally accountable 

Who knew about this? Where's the large collection of faith-filled friends that swarmed about this person? Why no confrontation? How could________have let this happen?

Those were my first thoughts. But truth is, I can't hear every voice in a person's life all the time. And I had to accept that each of us are personally accountable to our Maker for our lives. Most likely, there were life rafts galore and countless buoys thrown directly in front of this friend. But ultimately it's the choice of the person in danger to accept rescue. 

Examine your influence

Being the person of action (sometimes knee-jerk reaction) that I am, thoughts of IMing, setting a coffee date, organizing a group intervention, repelling from a helicopter into their very dwelling (you get the idea) all ran through my head when I learned of my friend. But in the end I had to sit still and ponder my influence. I am a peripheral person in my friend's orbit. Probably not the best person to launch and lead an all-out rescue mission.

Do others have a louder voice in my friend's life? Yes. So I find these people and encourage them. Pray specifically for them. Ask how I can best hold the ropes for them. And seek the Lord about increasing my own influence in this friend's life.

Act on the value of prayer

Prayer is not a second-hand option. A frayed version of some better game plan. It's not to be entered into with a sigh and a "I guess this is all I can do." Prayer is something that God calls us to, guarantees His attention, and promises a definite response. When I pray, I can ask for things that only God can do. Like conviction. And prayer sees God-sized results. Do I believe that? Then I would act on it. 

Be ready for when they 'come to' 

Someday, by God's mercy, my friend will wake up. And it's not going to be pretty. Like a flailing, wounded victim, they're going to need someone's help in that moment. Someone to speak life-restoring truth into their lives. To pour in the healing salve of hope. Going to need the supporting assurance of mercy as they confess and forsake their sin. 

I want my friend to know that I'm ready and available when they reach that point. A phone call away. A short drive. Here's my address. Here's where I'll be every Sunday and Wednesday night. You know where to find me during the week. Call. Come. Write. Anything. I'm here. I love you. Because God first loved us. 

Believe that God can

I don't have to "saviour." God does that. He's the master rescuer. But can God in this situation? Honestly folks, my friend's in deep.

God can. My Bible says it. In fact, there's not room to list the broken, maimed, thousand-sharded lives that His grace has touched and made whole from Creation onward.  And He's got a stake in this much deeper than I do. It goes down to His very image. 

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So I go forward with steady confidence. Understanding that it's not my fault (or someone else's.) Knowing my role. Praying earnestly. Ready. And believing. Believing that my friend's story doesn't end with a shipwreck. Believing that on the next page is a rescue wrought by the power of God. 

Beth

World, you didn't do right by me

You see, there's this Irving Berlin song in the famous holiday movie White Christmas. 

A woman jilted in love (or so she thinks) croons a gorgeous contralto as she sweeps across the stage in her black taffeta gown with bejeweled back: "Love, you didn't do right by me..."

Recently, this scene came to mind as I examined my response to mistreatment by the world (Random, I know). As Christians, we're told to expect this. So why am I so wounded when those around me without Christ act like...well, like they don't have Christ? 

Cue "World, you didn't do right by me..." because I want to grasp an imaginary microphone and croon this line to my own pity party on continual replay. Not exactly the response Scripture teaches. So here's a grouping of truths about mistreatment and the Christian. Nothin' new here. They're very 'Sunday School.' But this week I've discovered they're exactly what I need. 

Expect this: 

They will persecute you Not a possibility. Or a high probability. It's an absolute surety. As I act on this driving, God-instilled, yearning to be transformed in Christ-likeness, I'm going to be persecuted in some form by the world. 

They will speak against you. Bible-reading, church-going, sacrificing-to-do-right you. And while falsely, all manner of evil, and revile are pretty general words, ain't none of 'em pretty. 

They will demand costly things. Like the boy in the famous children's book The Giving Tree, this world will demand costly things of you without payment or thanks. And what looks innocent and intriguing under Silverstein's pen, is quite another thing in real life. 

Do this: 

Do them good. Good as apparent and personal as the evil done to you. Bless them. As opposite of 'curse', it's verbal. Bless in every word you say to or about them. (brief pause as I ask God's forgiveness) Pray for them. And the context implies it's not imprecatory prayers. 

Offer the other cheek. Adrenaline is the fight or flight hormone. For me, it's not flight. So to stand still not resisting the evil but offering for it to continue? Wow. Give to them. Don't refuse. And give free. Do more than they require. Go 'two miles.' Exceed expectations. Even when it takes considerable time and energy. 

Attitude this: (I couldn't think of a better way to put it, ok?)

Love In return for hate. Love for enemies. Not a putting up with them. Not ignoring. Not a facade of good will (the world already does that quite well), but genuine love.

Rejoice No, even more than that: be exceeding glad. It's not something subtle or hidden. 

Hope for nothing in return. No thanks. No acknowledgment. No change in their behavior. No praise for doing the right thing. Hope for nothing. 

Obeying the 'do this' commands is outrageously challenging. But obeying with these attitudes? Absolutely impossible. So what's the hinge that swings open the door of possibility? What we believe.

Believe this: 

Your reward is great. My reward, like that of the persecuted prophets, sounds like a future thing in this passage. But what a reward! My Creator who knows my personality and loves is the one fashioning it. And He tells me it will be great in its extent. 

You will look like your Heavenly Father. I LOVE being identified as my parents' child by how I look or act. But to look like my Heavenly Father's child? Our greatest desire. 

Christ reviled not again. Suffered the full blast of the world's hatred without sinning. Kind to the unthankful and evil. By responding like Him, I become a clearer reflection of this perfectness and mercy. And the world is left saying, 'that must be a child of God.' 

You are blessed. Happy in the here and now. The highest possible good now. A quality of life rich and meaningful. 

All this requires faith that God is a rewarder of those who pursue Him. Faith that weighs what I can't see and finds it more than the persecution I certainly do see. Faith that I can respond correctly through Christ who strengthens. 

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I've never been so aware of the price of identifying with Christ in the everyday. More convinced of the necessity of it. More certain that without Him, I can do nothing good when mistreated because of it. But by faith I can acknowledge that the world 'done me wrong' and still rejoice. Great is my reward. And I am the child of my Father in Heaven.  

Beth G. 

I wish I could tell marrieds: the relationship status question

Ever wonder if the singles in your life are dating? 

Want to ask, but not sure you should?

Well, kiss your wonderings goodbye. 

Your amazing, never-wrong, humble, single blog writer is here with some helpful thoughts. 
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First, avoid these attitudes when asking: 

The put-some-fire-under-you attitude

Are you dating YET? (insert hands-on-hips, get-along-with-it, you-are-obviously-not-doing-your-part vibe.) This is not going to go over well. Mostly because it comes across as straight-up accusatory. And it will fail to express the care and respect we know you want to convey. 

The Mr. Fix It attitude

You're NOT dating? (insert full body scan with furrowed brow and meaningful nods) As if the ask-er has figured out by mere observation why the single isn't dating. I've heard some colorful opinions on how to improve myself from people with this attitude. But, I'll admit, when asked this way, it closes my ears to any shred of helpfulness they may offer. 

The dead puppies attitude

Surely you're daaaating? (insert pained expression of billowing sympathy) This is well meant. But it does imply that dating is akin to life itself. Relationships are a huge part of life. But singles are smart enough to know that dating and marriage are not all that life is about. So if your question has an overtone of sorry pity...it may not be well received.

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Avoiding these attitudes? Then ASK AWAY. And here's why: 

It makes us feel human

When people avoid the topic of dating/marriage/family, singles wonder why. As if we live in an invisible (and somehow taboo) area between youth and adult. At times, this feeling can be heightened in Christian circles. So, ask us! It makes us feel human.

It reminds us of our worth 

Really? You think I could spouse and parent? You don't assume I'm too...or not enough....? Well then. (insert picture of Beth holding her head a bit higher) That's what a well-placed status question can do for a single. It strengthens us against the barrage of insecurities and discouragements that the world and the devil faithfully lob our way. 

It builds our character muscles

The more singles speak about their season of life, the more training they get in how to do it right. How to answer with grace. Answer honestly. How to form a Biblical, concise, faith-filled response. If we're never asked, then our thoughts will lack those opportunities to develop past so much spaghetti. 

It opens possibilities 

Some singles are majorly anti-matchmaking. Others would love some help. Some waffle back and forth. Do you know two singles who (it appears) could better serve God together than separately? When you ask the status question, it opens up the possibility of your role in that. Trust me, if you know us well, and avoid the attitudes above, you're leagues ahead of most who are matchmaking today. 

It widens the prayer circle 

Two friends recently followed up the status question with this: "How can I pray with you?" This is a tremendous encouragement. Ask with a genuine determination to listen, believe them, and pray. And you can only bless the singles around you. 

It helps us communicate

Some of us keep desires buried deep inside. Also, no single wants to be known for continually talking about their escapades (or lack there of) in the dating/courtship/findingalifemate universe. But squelching the desire for marriage and family is not the answer. It's a God-given thing. Goes all the way back to a garden and a rib. 

Ask, and you give us a chance to express thoughts and desires without sounding like we're obsessed with them. This helps us share what we're learning. Provides accountability. And keeps those natural emotions near the surface where they belong. 

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This post is not going to accurately reflect every single. Age, personality, life experience, gender...all these can effect how singles respond. But keep these thoughts in mind and, in my (cough cough) humble opinion, they will help you be the blessing you want to be. :)

Beth 

Curious about other posts in the I Wish I Could Tell Marrieds series? Take a look here and here