I stood mesmerized by the bowl of peaches beside me. They glowed. The late
morning sun pouring from our large dining room window infused every crinkle of skin, blush of color, and gentle curve of these
orbs. I held my breath for the passing beauty of it.
Then I thought of how I came
to be standing at my dining room table late on this weekday morning. How work-from-home wasn’t
even in my vocabulary until the last
couple months. How I never knew so much life happened right outside this window every day. And then I knew that I had to share this with
you.
To catch you up before I
start blogging again.
To add your hallelujah to my chorus.
It got pretty dark for a while there. For months this year and last I was courted long-distance
for a fantastic position that would have made all my education, loves, and
experience make sense. And, I’ll admit
it was the making sense (to myself and others) part that I was happiest about.
No more having to explain why I’m single, living in this city, working plain office
jobs with two degrees, jumping houses and workplaces every so often…finally I’d
have a settled career. Stability. Everyone was breathing a sigh of relief.
It didn’t work out.
When I turned back to my life
here everything was out of sorts. It’s like I had changed shape and couldn’t
fit back in. Relationships had been severed over those months. What had seemed
like the perfect and acceptable and reasonable office job was suddenly none of
the above for me. So much of my current life was not enough anymore. And
the guilt I felt over that discovery struck deep. The disappointment of the 'no' from far away coupled with the weight of severed relationships was crushing. The longing
for my life just to be right again
flung me into a tailspin. Months. Depression. Confusion. Frustration. Faith
became a feeble, half-closed stare. A single thread.
Then the Lord stood up. And the job
offer came quickly out of nowhere. In a matter of weeks He gave me a new position
writing a Bible program being used by hundreds of students already this school
year. Every week I stand at my table creating content that is flung far and
wide to classrooms and hearts I could never reach on my own. Then He gave me a local teaching position
where I get to guide 80+ students deep into the world of writing every week. I
was stunned. It was like living in a dream. So now I’m a writer teaching
writing (insert grin). I get to make full proof of both my degrees while flexing
my love of Bible, words, and teaching. AND l'm learning a ton about all those things every week.
I could not have constructed
a more beautiful turn in my path. And there could be many more turns ahead, but
I was made for this. This point in
time. This work...however long it stretches. What I love to do for Jesus is no
longer relegated to the margins of my life. It is my life. God did that. He shook me loose, tenderly taking months
to work me free from a tightly cinched idea of what I thought my life could and
should be.
Sometimes a light surprises.
All the sudden we see the beauty of the crinkles and curves and blushes of
color.
The light is our God rising
to meet us.
Do not doubt it.
Beth
Sometimes a light surprises the Christian while he
sings;
it is the Lord who rises with healing in His wings;
when comforts are declining, He grants the soul again
a season of clear shining, to cheer it after rain.
~Cowper
it is the Lord who rises with healing in His wings;
when comforts are declining, He grants the soul again
a season of clear shining, to cheer it after rain.
~Cowper
