the single and the no

It all started with me complaining (I’ll wait while you pick yourself off the floor) to my Pastor’s wife (a cardinal sin for sure) at prayer meeting (well this is off to a good start…).

A single has no one to tell them ‘no.’ And ‘caring for the things of the Lord’ is so broad in it’s scope. Much harder to discern than ‘caring for the things of her husband…’ We bear the full weight of discerning whether the opportunities constantly being presented to us are truly God’s will or not. There’s no one sitting next to us saying, “honey, you can’t take that on right now.” And when we do say no, people wonder what we are doing with all our single freedoms and resources…

My Pastor’s wife doesn’t pull any punches, folks. She spoke truth. And although it was much more gracious than this, it sounded a lot like, ‘you don’t need someone else to discern God’s will, and you can and must discern God’s will as a single.’

Bah humbug.

I didn’t want to hear that.

And then a couple weeks ago, something fantastical happened. People I’ve prayed would seek me out, did. New ministries were presented. I found myself in homes I’d never been in…I booked and double, and triple booked every evening of the week for two weeks. This, on top of a fulltime job, music rehearsals, writing, lesson prep, eating, sleeping, cooking, cleaning etc. Things just blew up in these here parts. And I thought perhaps I’d gone to Heaven and didn’t realize it. I was even taking phone calls in the bathtub, y’all.  In short, it was awesome. I mean that.

But it unraveled fast. I found myself exhausted, frustrated, anxious, numb, my autoimmune flared up…and for the first time in a long time, I found myself cringing as I read the Word.

"Come unto me, all ye that labour, and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me: for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."  Matt.11

Well, that’s not my reality. I am labored and weighted down by all these good things. There’s nothing easy and light about this. Ministry is hard. It’s too much. Rest? Hah.

It’s true. My life had become too heavy. Because I was trying to carry a yoke of my own making.  Matthew says God creates a perfectly fitted yoke to our individual abilities and strength, so that it may be borne well with His enabling (think easy and light.) And underneath His yoke, there is always enough rest. That’s the whole reason for this passage! My Heavenly Father is concerned for me. He knows my frame. He carefully considers what I am made of.  And He will not even throw out a bruised reed, or extinguish a smoking flax. My God is bent on gentleness. He does not smash His children under heavy things.

…………………….

So singles must grow skilled at discerning God’s yoke, and well-practiced in the art of saying ‘wait while I discern’ and ‘no.’ This is necessary. Not because we lack a spouse to guide us. Not because others constantly hurl opportunities our way. Not because we don’t absolutely love filling our lives with people...

I must learn because my God cares for me. Little Beth. With her large passion and humungous ideas. And her little strength, and small skills in her small hand. He is concerned that I be able to bear the pressure and responsibility of all that my heart wants to do for Him. Single friend? Look a little deeper and you’ll find worth, and value, and a rich, satisfying Divine love in this passage.

And you’ll find a why for when you must say no.

Beth