Discouragement grows in many
soils. It has a varied root system and flutters above ground with a varied
foliage. Yet it is common to man. I’m not able to cover all the roots and soils
in this post, but my adult life has been pocked with seasons of discouragement
in which I’ve been tremendously helped by believers around me. Maybe there’s
something for all of us to learn here?
(preliminary point) Don’t
dismiss the confession
You’re not discouraged, honey!
Everyone knows you’re always happy.
If you really were struggling
you would…and let me tell you about someone who was truly discouraged…
Hahahahaha…You’re fine,
you’re fine.
Smile-blink-smile-blink-smile-smile-blink.
I’ve reacted some of these
ways when I've heard of others' discouragement, and I’ve experienced them all.
But it’s not in the realm of acceptable to dismiss a fellow believer’s
struggles. We are called to build each other up (Eph. 4:16). To be tender and compassionate.
(Eph. 4:32) To be looking diligently after each other (Heb 12: 15). Encouraging
one another in an ever-increasing way (Heb 10:25). Being dismissive does not
match the rest of those terms.
1. Avoid
pinning the tail on sin
When my sister and I lived
together, we were always coming up with new word games and phrases (thanks, Mom.)
One of our classics was “insta-judge.” We could toss it out whenever we heard (or
spoke) critical remarks that were obnoxiously definitive and uninformed. It
turned into a humorous way to give ourselves a reality check. But...
There is a Holy Spirit
and we are not him. So beware of insta-judging the root of someone’s struggle with comments like what
unconfessed sin are you hiding? What weakness? What relationship failure? What
bad have you done that you are so castdown? The Psalmist David is a good
example of how sin can be at the root
of discouragement. But he also illustrates that a righteous man behaving
righteously can sail straight into that storm as well. Beware the sin label.
2. Never play
whack-a-verse
It takes courage to speak up
about discouragement in our conservative Christian culture. Courage when we are
at our weakest. When someone does speak up, beware the temptation to hoist the
first verse that comes to mind and slam it down without context or compassion.
We’ve all experienced that, right? Right.
3. Beware of
glistening generalities
You’ll get
over it
It happens
to everyone
Just part of
life sometimes
Prayin’ for
ya (slap on the back)
Phrases like these have a
hollow ring and a hollow affect. They may be quick and tidy, but they all fail to convey hope. Leave the
hollow, shiny phrases to this world. We have the comfort of the scriptures that
work a deep and healing hope. (Rom. 15:4)
4. Run from the
temptation to compensate.
We can’t swing someone out of
discouragement by being extra-super happy around them. I had someone burst into
a medley of children’s songs about joy when I was sad once. This was not
helpful. This strained the very bulwarks of my sanctification.
As believers, we have the
privilege of going deeper than the smile (or lack thereof) on the face.
This may mean I sit clinging to someone in my living room weeping with them so
hard I can’t see. (Rom. 12:15) This may mean I lift up and strengthen with
truth and hope when I’d much rather just walk away because my own day’s been
too hard already. (Heb. 12:12) This may mean I labor for their godliness as a
mother labors in childbirth until Christ
is formed in them (Gal. 4:19) And all of these responses will be more effective
than a happy pounce.
5. Do ask hard
questions and settle in to listen
Tell me what’s going on and
how it all started? How is this discouragement affecting your everyday life?
Your walk with God? What is helping you most right now? What passage of
Scripture or truth about God are you clinging to? Who have you been reaching
out to? What can I do that would be the greatest help to you? How can I hold
you accountable during this season?
Not only are these questions
going to gather important information, by simply asking and listening you will
convey a beautiful love that is looking beyond its own things and caring for
the things of others. (Phil. 2:3-4)
6. Shed a
personal light on the situation
Beth, we’ve been through that countless times in our
ministry and it hurt every time. It sent us spinning and left us disappointed. Wow.
I still remember what that was like. You ask God, what was that? But we just
kept trusting and doing what He’s given us to do, and He settled our hearts
again. We can’t turn away because things don’t make sense.
Honest? It was the personal
testimony of this woman that opened my heart to receive truth from her not long
ago. Coming along side someone or even from behind them in order to help them
forward will take humility and honesty. It will take a sharing our own
weaknesses and what has helped us. And that? Will be God’s plan. (2 Cor. 1:4-5)
7. Address
discouragement through Biblical example
Hey want to study how David dealt discouragement in the Psalms with me? Please
someone do this next time you see someone cast down. The Bible is full of
divinely placed examples for our learning and hope. Let’s use them.
8. Commit to
the long haul
Or just find someone who can
because there is no quick fix. No spiritual pill you can
hand someone and walk away. We can help deal with the root. We can offer hope.
We can pray. We can encourage someone to trust God and walk in obedience even
in their discouragement, but sometimes it takes a while for emotions to swing
back into place. So let’s not throw in the towel after a 5 minute convo. Christ
endured. We endure. We can help each other endure.
Beth
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