how singleness changes with age (what I know so far)

Single?

Welcome aboard this wobbling mass of humanity.

It's not this bad. Trust me. 

Our labels range from Career, People-in-waiting, Unmarrieds, Divorced, Widowed, A.V.A.I.L.A.B.L.E...

And a single could be anyone as young as 18 or as old as...well, let's just say as long as you don't have a spouse, you qualify for membership. 

Happy Birthday.  

However (as every single knows) there's a major flaw in lumping us all together under one label like this. Can you find it? 

(ok, so I was going to include a picture of me at 18 and 30 right here, but turns out I actually look pretty similar. Which is very unfortunate for this blog post. BUT just think of yourself at 18 and-if you're older than that-how much you've developed as a person since then. Moving on...) 

Yup. We change a lot (and so does life) in those few years. And along with that comes quite a change in one's experience of singleness. Today I'd like to share the three seasons I've gone through so far, and next week share the spiritual lessons I've learned from each. Enjoy!

The Easy Years

For a small portion of adult life (let's say 18-22ish), singleness is kind of assumed. Yes, you are old enough to be married, but no one really bats an eye at your relationship status. You date, you don't date. You want to date. You may not want to date. And that's fine. You go to college, you get a job, you move back home, you move into an apartment, you move out of the country....whatever you choose to do, you pretty much float along on this happy, sun-drenched tide of socially accepted expectations. 

The Stormy Years

After that, a single enters a kind of "no-man zone" (pun intended). Let's put that at 23-30. This is when those happy-go-lucky tides becomes a bit more rough.    

Questions break upon you like so many white-capped waves in the first half of this season. Why are you choosing a job over a family? Do you WANT to be single? When are you going to settle down? And the question most people think but would never ask: what happened on that happy tide of 18-22 that resulted in you being single now?

This stormy sea can be hard to navigate. It's no longer the (Christian) social norm for you to be single. And though the world accepts and at times applauds your singleness, they don't applaud the fact that you're not cohabiting or in an exclusive relationship. 

The latter half of these seas is marked by a growing silence. People wonder about you more than they question. The distance between you and most of your peers grows wider. You're no longer in the same social circles or Sunday School classes. Friendships change. Some for the better! 

The Quiet Years

What happens in the 30s? (insert picture of Beth feigning cluelessness) No really, I'm just starting out on these waters, but here's some observations:

I would call the 30s calm waters. To most around you, your singleness has become a part of your identity. Even to the single in this age bracket, the waters are pretty calm. Why? You're older. And hopefully wiser. More comfortable in your own skin. You know yourself. You should know your God. It's not that the struggles of single life have gone away, but you''re familiar with them by now. And you know that woven into those struggles are strong cords of more grace.

And that's as far as I go.

................................................

Me hopes this post doesn't strike you as depressing or hopeless. I certainly don't see it that way. Probably because I know a bit of what's coming in next week's post, and I'm SO excited to share the lessons that filled each of these seasons. Be sure to stop back in then! (how's that for shameless blog promotion?)

Beth G.