To help you successfully dodge these clods, here's a few examples and some tongue-in-cheek responses that guarantee they'll never be thrown your way again. (and do hang on til the end, that's the redeeming part of this post)Stopper #1: Isn't it wonderful when you're having a romantic night and...(interrupt)
Oh yeah, totally. The flying monkeys were hard to peel off the saran wrap on the polka dot jet ski, but we figured it was the least we could do...(stare off into the middle distance)
Stopper #2: So how many kids do YOU have?
I'm not sure...
I think.
Stopper #3: How did you and your spouse meet?
Well, I was in the produce aisle, and there were these stringy green things and I was like 'hmm, I should give these a try. And they were SO GOOD, you know? Food of the gods and all...Oh, you said spouse not sprouts.' (insert light, airy laugh and forced change of subject)
Stopper #4: I mean when's the last time you had a moment alone?
Consider feigning a hiccup fit while your brain sifts through the countless moments you've been keenly aware of being alone in the last week. Consider doing this until they shrink away in amazement.
Stopper #5: Where'd you go on your honeymoon?
Lift left hand up to your eyes and stare at your ring finger for several drawn out, lip-quivering moments, mouth the word nowhere then burst into tears and crumple into a fetal position.
And the Taj Mahal of single conversation stoppers:
Stopper #6: Has your kid's poop ever looked like...
You're on your own for this one.
......................................................
These conversation stoppers happen. So consider this advice.
For marrieds: Be considerate.
If you're meeting new people, tread carefully. Marriage and parenthood make a beautiful common ground. But there's nothing a single dreads more than for the conversation to assume they share that common ground with you.
Realize they're single? Don't back away and avoid them. You have an identity that transcends your marital status. And so do they. If it's still hard to find common ground, consider pairing stories about your family life with questions about their life. Just avoid interrogation about why they're single and what they're doing about that.
For singles: Be prepared.
Few people are trying to make you feel awkward about being single. They just assume because of your age/appearance/maturity that you're in the same season as they are. When that happens (and it will) here's how I've had to learn to respond:
Pray about it.
Really. Pray for God to keep sarcastic, hurtful responses from slipping out-- No matter how humorous or true they seem (see above.) Ask Him to 'keep the doors of your lips.' He will. And if this seems too hard, consider your heart. Our words reveal its content.
Avoid the explanation trap.
Like rushing into the details of your dating/almost/failed relationships. Or blaming your singleness on God or you. "Must have missed that boat, haha." or "guess God forgot about me hehe." A simple phrase like, "I'm actually single. So thankful for the life God has given me. How many children do you have? Tell me what you love the most about parenting?" is all that's required. And if marrieds want to know more, they will ask.
Remember who you are.
As a believer, your contact with others is not about you (Something I often forget). It's not about explaining the finer theological points behind your relationship status. Not about making someone feel bad and you feel good. Or justifying the reasons for who you are/what you're doing in life.
It's about being kind to each other. Tenderhearted. Full of forgiveness. Keeping corrupt communication from flowing out. About building each other up in the most holy faith. Good to the use of edifying. Stirring to good works. Esteeming others better than ourselves. Loving your neighbor as yourself. And ultimately, it's about glorifying our Father in Heaven.
Keep this focus in mind, and you will be on sure footing indeed.
No matter how often the conversation starts or stops around you.
Beth
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