trouble came

Trouble comes last week. And with it, my reaction of fierce independence. 

The trouble is the death of a coworker. Someone I'd worked closely with the last year and a half. I had no idea my workday would bring this. And nothing prepares you for someone slipping into Eternity right before your eyes. 

My reaction is Ok, I can handle this. Keep it together. Work still demands 40 hours. People are relying on me...time with all its expected responsibilities keeps happening. So I bury the grief and shock deep inside and open arms wide to bear the heavy weight of this experience alone. The independence carries into my spiritual life too. This is your plan, God? Ok. Bring it on. And I brace for impact.

I think I'm fine until I hear the gentle voice behind me in church quoting from the Psalms. "In the multitude of my thoughts within me, thy comforts delight my soul." My eyes burn when these words sink in. I realize I'm not doing this independent thing well. At all. I'm crushed low and aching by the shoulder weight of it. The buried grief has turned to acrid poison in my middle.

Later, God help me echoes louder than I expect as I reach for my Bible. I thumb to that Psalm from prayer meeting and then another. And another. And my perception of David takes a mighty blow. I'd always pictured him fierce independent in adversity too. I read about him slaying lion and bear by himself. He stands before a giant alone and wins. He takes on 10,000 adversaries. He rules a massive kingdom with absolute authority. 

But David's songs detail his crying over 70 times. This is no minor theme. He cries. He calls out. He prays. He makes supplication. And this is no minor trouble. He's brought low, in distress, poor and needy, sleepless, physically sick, overwhelmed, his very life is in danger. 

He who appears strong and confident in the Biblical narrative knows where to angle his face and wing his words. These songs are not a picture of routine guess-I-got-to-pray-to-God-now. This is consuming, prostrate dependence. 

Two more themes begin to unfurl.

God is going to hear.

His eyes are on  the righteous. Ears open to their cries. He's inclined to them. He hearkens, will not forget, attends, gives ear...

And God is going to respond.

in salvation, healing, deliverance from troubles, strengthening with strength in our hearts, stemming floods, enlarging us in distress, being near when we call, 
turning our enemies back. And in His response we find Him good, ready to forgive, plenteous in mercy, a fortress, strong tower, stronghold, ever present help...
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Friends, surely He who has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows does not expect us to shoulder them again. But can we really expect the trouble to evaporate as we cry out to God? David didn't. His Psalms reveal a broad spectrum of Divine response. And we can assume, in every case it was exactly what David needed. He tells us so himself. 

I'll be honest. This morning still finds me grieving the loss of my friend. But that day as I read David's Psalms something shifted. As my own face angled Heavenward and trembling words winged their way to my Father, He heard. And He was moved to action on my behalf. At the end of my stubborn independence I found the healing balm of dependence. 

Trouble came. And God met it. 

Beth 

lessons learned on foreign soil

Foreign missions has been on my mind. And all this thinking has brought back a flurry of memories from my short-term experience in that great ministry. SO (lest I explode in smithereens for keeping them inside) here's four simple lessons I brought back from Asia, and how they still affect my life today. 

#1 Don't expect slow motion, tug-on-heart-strings moments with soft music.

It's not like I was expecting them. That much. It's just that most missionary presentations I'd seen had moments like this. But although I found myself falling in love with this Asian country, and even though I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God had led me there by His own hand, I never had that moment. You know?

Any presentation of human life (think missions) would be incomplete without an emotional element. I get that. But when we grow discontent or uncertain in what God has led us to because we don't feel it or have that moment, something's wrong. So don't be like yours truly who took longer than she cares to admit to realize...

God's will doesn't need the validation of emotional moments.

#2 Missions is a lot like doing normal life on different soil. 

Spiritual disciplines take work. But my first morning in Asia, I sat with my Bible in a missionary's back room thinking: This is IT. I mean, this is going to be all Amy Charmichael-Elisabeth Elliot-ish. I'm on foreign soil after all. I've got coconut trees fluttering outside the window, and a strange cacophony of life happening just over that cinder block wall...But when I began to read and pray, it took work.

In the months to come, I found many things took work. And surprise! They were the same kinds of things that took effort Stateside. And what I enjoyed? How I ministered? Struggled with? Yep, down to the nuances of my personality. It was all the same. (sigh)

Change is no miracle pill that makes life a scintillating adventure and us Christians of Pauline proportions. So no matter where God has us now, and where He will lead in the future...

Prepare for the unknown next by learning to live righteously in the normal now.

#3 There is tremendous value in watching.

I'm a doer. And I landed in Asia full speed ahead. But how can you do when you can't even walk down the road without looking discombobulatedly foolish? I quickly realized most doing would have to be replaced for those two short years.

I replaced it with watching. 


As I slowed down, I watched what church worship looks like without four walls, chandeliers, air conditioning, bulletins...and found the body of Christ the same in it's great foundation and thrilling beauty. I saw living conditions more comfortable than my own and some more poor than I thought possible. Finding in both a vibrant spirituality. I watched Bible college students strain every God-given resource to apply what they were learning. I observed bold men of God bend toward each other in gracious humility for the cause of Christ. I saw God answer prayers for outrageous needs. My own and others. I noticed His protection in a daily deluge of tiny details.

Since returning to the States, I see God at work in ways I hadn't noticed before. Because before I was always doing. But you don't have to travel outside the country to learn...

If you slow down enough to look for God's hand, you will find it and it will change you.

#4 Many will not respond to God's personal work the way we want them to. 

I came home from Asia full to overflowing, but I quickly learned that I had about 2 minutes to stuff 2 years of life into when people asked. This was disheartening. And I started to question, was my time there really worth it? Are these lessons actually true? Maybe it's not such a big deal.

This can happen. There's not the leaning forward and baited breath we want to see when we share what God is doing in and through us. Truth is, very few are skilled at listening in a way that communicates the value of what is being heard. And that's ok. It doesn't change the reality of what God is doing. So don't stop sharing God's personal work with others. But...

Don't weigh God's work by others' response to it.
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At some point I'll blog about the outrageous (and hilarious) adventures I had during those two years. But for now, it's the lessons that loom largest in my mind. Lessons learned on foreign soil that can bear much fruit when planted on home ground. 

Beth

I wish I could tell marrieds: weddings and singles

Tis the season for weddings. 

I'm mesmerized by them. The thrill of seeing friends brought together as one for life? There's nothing like it. And any event with fresh bouquets of lush flowers and live classical music has an automatic place in my heart. 

There's a broad spectrum of opinion and experience when it comes to weddings and singles. But marrieds tend to fit into five kinds of people as they relate to unmarrieds at these events. Here they are for your enlightenment and entertainment. 

1. The sad sympathizer 

Is it hard for you to be here? I'm sure it must be. It must be horrible. Your entire life must be horrible. I am so grieved that you are single, and cannot figure out for the life of me why you would be. This is followed by the furrowed brow, shaking head, and sigh every time you make eye contact with this person throughout the event. 

2. The happy hopeful

The hopeful is easy to spot because they're a radioactive blur of positive vibes. Look how happy this couple is! I just know you will be too. Why, you are SO good looking, talented, and successful. What ARE the singles around you thinking! It's going to be wedding bells for you soon! This is followed by the double raised eyebrow, wink, and thumbs up whenever you make eye contact with this person throughout the event. 

3. The forceful fanatic

The fanatic has figured out why you're not married and wants to fix it immediately. Talk more! Laugh more! Be quieter. Sweeter. Be mysterious (???). Why don't you go apply more lipstick. Have you met that attractive single over there (winkadeewinkwinkwink)? This is followed by stalker-like behavior throughout the event. And, unless the single woman hides creatively (think baptismal) the fanatic will hunt them down and dramatically position them front and center for the bouquet toss. 

4. The unsure avoider 

The avoider is aware of singles at weddings but doesn't know what to say or do around them. So they avoid them like the plague. You will find them relaxed until confronted with the single. Then all at once awkward and mummified. This is followed by the deer in the headlights look every time they make eye contact with the single at the event. 

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So, how should marrieds act around singles at weddings? 

Are you a close friend of the single wedding-attender? Then be a close friend at the wedding.

Are you a casual acquaintance? Then don't worry about being something more.

Will a single you know be attending the same wedding alone? Consider asking them to join your family for the event. Weddings and funerals are hard to do as one. 

Perhaps you're overwhelmed with the sacredness of the ceremony? Can't get over how perfectly matched the bride and groom are? Marveling over the big kiss? By all means, please share these musings with the singles around you. They are a part of this event and loving it too. 

Now would be the moment to give glory to God for the great thing He has done in bringing this couple together. Now would be the time to share memories of your own wedding. To ask the single what they have especially enjoyed about the ceremony, or how they met the bride and groom. No need to shift the focus onto the single's singleness. Trust me. 

In fact, there is a 5th kind of married person at weddings. The gracious person. Singles love them. And I've been privileged to find many of them at the weddings I attend. Singles can hang around these people with ease and enjoy the event together. Without fear of hurt or awkwardness. Be that gracious person. Be kind, and considerate. Friendly and funny. Tactful and caring. Normal. And you will bless many around you at weddings this summer. 

Singles included.

Beth