The trouble is the death of a coworker. Someone I'd worked closely with the last year and a half. I had no idea my workday would bring this. And nothing prepares you for someone slipping into Eternity right before your eyes.
My reaction is Ok, I can handle this. Keep it together. Work still demands 40 hours. People are relying on me...time with all its expected responsibilities keeps happening. So I bury the grief and shock deep inside and open arms wide to bear the heavy weight of this experience alone. The independence carries into my spiritual life too. This is your plan, God? Ok. Bring it on. And I brace for impact.
I think I'm fine until I hear the gentle voice behind me in church quoting from the Psalms. "In the multitude of my thoughts within me, thy comforts delight my soul." My eyes burn when these words sink in. I realize I'm not doing this independent thing well. At all. I'm crushed low and aching by the shoulder weight of it. The buried grief has turned to acrid poison in my middle.
Later, God help me echoes louder than I expect as I reach for my Bible. I thumb to that Psalm from prayer meeting and then another. And another. And my perception of David takes a mighty blow. I'd always pictured him fierce independent in adversity too. I read about him slaying lion and bear by himself. He stands before a giant alone and wins. He takes on 10,000 adversaries. He rules a massive kingdom with absolute authority.
But David's songs detail his crying over 70 times. This is no minor theme. He cries. He calls out. He prays. He makes supplication. And this is no minor trouble. He's brought low, in distress, poor and needy, sleepless, physically sick, overwhelmed, his very life is in danger.
He who appears strong and confident in the Biblical narrative knows where to angle his face and wing his words. These songs are not a picture of routine guess-I-got-to-pray-to-God-now. This is consuming, prostrate dependence.
Two more themes begin to unfurl.
God is going to hear.
His eyes are on the righteous. Ears open to their cries. He's inclined to them. He hearkens, will not forget, attends, gives ear...
And God is going to respond.
in salvation, healing, deliverance from troubles, strengthening with strength in our hearts, stemming floods, enlarging us in distress, being near when we call,
turning our enemies back. And in His response we find Him good, ready to forgive, plenteous in mercy, a fortress, strong tower, stronghold, ever present help...
......................................................
Friends, surely He who has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows does not expect us to shoulder them again. But can we really expect the trouble to evaporate as we cry out to God? David didn't. His Psalms reveal a broad spectrum of Divine response. And we can assume, in every case it was exactly what David needed. He tells us so himself.
I'll be honest. This morning still finds me grieving the loss of my friend. But that day as I read David's Psalms something shifted. As my own face angled Heavenward and trembling words winged their way to my Father, He heard. And He was moved to action on my behalf. At the end of my stubborn independence I found the healing balm of dependence.
Trouble came. And God met it.
Beth
No comments:
Post a Comment