You know that saying "bite off more than you can chew"? Yup. Why, oh why, dear reader did I ever think I could properly drop an essay on the bulging, wobbly, effervescent subject of Biblical friendship into the teensy-weensy format of a blog post? Why didn't you stop me? Are you not my friends? Sigh. Now I've gone and corralled myself into certain failure. And don't think for a moment I can't see you trying to hide your smirks and stifle your snickers.
Let me start with a confession: I began this two-parter (of which you can find the first part here) with one goal: to lead you to a very simple yet powerful conclusion. One that (I believe) will safely maneuver us through the minefield that single friendships can create. This conclusion can be found at the end of this post (fancy that. Brilliant writing (I know) to put the conclusion at the end. How avantgarde...) But just like one of my favorite childhood stories, if you skip the middle of this post to see 'the monster at the end of the book', you'll miss out. So stick with me.
And while you're sticking, think of the following truths not as comprehensive but as a launching point for more personal study and thought, and a genuine reflection of the sort of friend I so passionately want to be.
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Want to be the right sort of single friend?
Love Biblically
How do I do that? I love patiently and with kindness. Without jealousy (for my friends' resources or of their friendships with others etc.) Without bragging or arrogance (that means I'm going to be open and honest and humble enough to take counsel as well as give it) Love doesn't act in unbecoming ways (ie always expecting special grace to cover my unlovely, selfish behavior) doesn't seek it's own________in friendships. Doesn't get easily provoked (my friend did this or is not doing this so...goodbye friend.) Does not take into account a wrong suffered.. Rejoices in truth (that chops off a whole chunk of communication right there.) etc.
I wish I were brilliant enough to have come up with that paragraph myself. But 1 Cor. 13 was written long ago. Still, I want to carry this dissertation on love into all of my friendships. It will keep me from many a pitfall. It's what true friendship is.
Love at all times.
Prov. 17:17 tells us that. It means loving at times when loving is not fun or means doing 'not fun' things (which sounds totally ok until it's actually asked of you). It means loving when I feel strong and independent and like I don't need my friend at the moment. And when I feel weak and therefore unable to reciprocate love shown to me as I would like. In times when my expectations are met and times when they must be left empty. When I (or my friend) is dating and when we're not. There's never a time when love circles the wagons.
Love when it means hurting.
I'm mesmerized by Proverbs 27:6: "Faithful are the wounds of a friend." I would have never thought to put it that way, but I get it. Sometimes a hurting is needed to bring about complete restoration. Think the setting of a joint back into place, or the application of antiseptic to open flesh. A Biblical friend? Does not shirk this responsibility. They're willing to say the difficult, to speak a word though it seem 'out of season', to faithfully point their friends to Christ though that doesn't immediately make things 'feel' better for them or get the desired response. Why do friends do this? They're bent on seeing their friends heal and grow.
Love by discipling.
No no no, Beth. I saw you headed here and you don't understand. I'm not equipped to counsel anyone. I don't want a disciple. I want a friend. I'm not going to look down on any of my friends as my 'students.' That's for Sunday School and outreach ministries.
But take a careful look. The Bible says friends sharpen each other. And give (and receive) hearty counsel. That's more than having fun together. In John 15, Christ Himself equates friends with disciples. They're not mutually exclusive. Discipleship is a giving and receiving of the knowledge of God. I've got several friendships like this right now. I don't feel belittled by this dynamic. Or puffed up. I find tremendous encouragement and delight. Because it's what God meant for friendship to be.
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To be this kind of friend, I'm not going to be able to do anything other than friending. (so please have pity on me and send me crusts of bread and mow my lawn and blow my nose.) But really, isn't that how you kinda felt after reading this post? I did. I was like, there's no way I can do all that. So here's THE MONNNNNSSSSTTTERRR TRUTH AT THE END OF THIS POST. The conclusion that boils everything into one real-life, able-to-be-applied action point. Want to do single friendship right?
Don't play God with your friends.
You can trace every danger of single friendships to this root. Disappointed by your friends? Discouraged? Frustrated? Unfulfilled? Run dry and ragged by them? Can't live without them? I wager it's because someone is playing God. Biblical friendship means knowing that I cannot do what God can for my friend, and they can't do what only God can for me. And acting on that knowledge. In my life, that's gonna look like a whole lot more pointing Heavenward and looking there myself. And, with that, space has run out for this post. But look! You made it to the end of the 'book' and found the conclusion is no monster indeed.
Beth :)
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