dear women

Single Threads is not a platform for discussing current events. Mostly because I'm no good at it. But there's something about what's been trending online that I can't leave alone.  

_______poses topless for________.

 Nude photo of______makes the front of________magazine.

 _______tweets image of her...

These headlines trend all last week. And with everything in me, I want to reach past them. To take the hand of these women. To look them in the eye, and speak soft and gentle and firm. To tell them something like this...

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Dear women, nudity sells. Topless will always trend. Our bodies? Always have a buyer. 

My guess is, you get this.

But I don't think you get who you are. 

Whether or not you feel it, like it, or believe it, you are made in the image of God. He formed you in your mother's womb. You bear in your body the indelible mark of this Creator. It's what makes you so beautiful. 

And get this: He didn't create you to be the way you are today.

Because everyday the world paints us glossy with its message. Liberated! Empowered! Cast off morality! Be yourself! Do what you like! It's your body. Your life. You own it. Flaunt it. Be shocking. Break down respectable. You're worth it. Want it? Get it. Do it. Live it. At all cost. 

And like the emperor in his new clothes, we believe these words. We thrash about in our power and right thinking we are making ourselves. We expose, and flaunt, manipulate, and consume. But we're not making. We're destroying.

You see, broken people will always break things. 

And the broken festers just under that shiny, painted veneer. You'll find it as a vicious gnawing for acceptance. Acrid lust eating at your very center for something, anything that hints of love. Obsession for whatever empowers, satisfies, and pleasures you. Poison of must-have-more that pushes through your veins. From the very Garden of Eden, humanity chose this path of destruction. And, try as we might, we cannot stop our feet from hitting that path the moment we're birthed into this spinning world.  

But understand this: you don't have to be this way.

Our Creator came to earth as Jesus Christ to bind up our throbbing broken. Came, and we were so enamored with our own way that we hung Him on a cross. But this was His plan all along. For in dying? He killed death. Destroyed destruction. Paid for that evil choice His creation has made. Paid it in full. Bearing all our brokenness in His own body on that cross. Smitten, so we need not be slapped senseless by our own lust anymore. Then, after three days, He rose from the grave. And in doing that?

God laid another path. 

Dear women, I'm on that path. God placed me on it the moment I believed what He'd done for me through Jesus Christ. And listen close. I mean, don't miss this: Now, those destructive desires? (yes, I have them too) They're what's broken. Their power over me? Crushed like the head of a serpent after a mighty blow. And I'm whole. 

God remade me that night I believed on Him. I'm complete. I know such perfect acceptance, love, and satisfaction in Him that there's no need to wring it from those around me. Don't need to believe this world's glitter sheen: I've the solid-real of Truth. Don't need to scream me! at all who will hear. I've found my identity in my Creator. And you can find this too. 

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Dear women, you don't have to expose yourself to make yourself. You've been made. 

And though broken now, you can be made whole. 

Beth 

when God says yes

    10 steps to follow when God says no.           How to handle a Divine 'wait.' 

               Help! God won't let me!                            When the Creator is silent. 

We see titles like this all the time. And we should! As God's children, we've all experienced His no. And it can leave us feeling thwarted, discouraged, or (dare we admit it) just plain angry. But what about when God says yes? Does He say yes? To what things? Here's a few I came up with recently:

Daily mercies (Lam. 3:22-23)                     His ear when I pray (Ps. 55:17)

Grace (2 Cor. 9:8; 12:9)                            Guidance (Prov. 3:5-6)      

Wisdom (Jas. 1:5-6)                                  Strength (Is. 40:31; Ps. 37:39; 2 Cor. 12:9) 

Victory (I Cor. 10:13; Rom 7:24-25)           Enabling (I Thess. 5:24; Jn. 15:5)

Peace (Phil. 4:6-7)                                     Every thing God deems good (Ps. 34:10; 84:11) 

This list is a very small sampling made very quickly. Every promise in the Bible? Is a guaranteed yes. Every statement of positional truth? A yes. Asking God to work out His character/revealed will? Automatic yes. 

But let's rewind for a moment. I would say one of the biggest no's in my life right now is marriage. It's very real. And it affects my every day. I also know that focusing on that no can lead to depression, moral shipwreck, rebellion, crippling insecurity...we see it happen all the time, right?

And although the yes list above sparkles with spiritual truth, sometimes I'm left wondering how it applies to my real life. I mean, what about things like a spouse, a child, a raise, a job/ministry position, relief from a trial, physical healing...if there's no way to be assured a yes in these rubber-meets-the-road examples, then does the list really matter? 

Yes. Here's why:

When I pursue how God is saying yes and set my mind on it? When I keep on asking for those things knowing I'm going to receive them? I find that I do much more than survive under a Divine no. I thrive. I have all and abound. Plenty strength for my countless weaknesses. Peace so perfect that I can't even understand it. Not a mere shred of wisdom but a liberal, unending gush of it. Mercy new this morning and tailored to this day. Satisfaction. Deliverance. Guidance. Victory...and these? Dramatically impact my real life. 

When I claim this list of Divine yes, the no shrinks into perspective. It's no longer a massive, suffocating blanket. It's a mere thread woven into the beautiful pattern God is working in my life. A pattern that, if I could zoom out far enough, would appear to be the biggest yes possible: I am working all together for your good and My glory. (Rom. 8:28) 

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Like a prism reflecting the afternoon light, the Divine yes shines on every part of our lives. Dancing into hidden corners of fear and worry. Beaming onto shadows of pain and loss. Making the normal surroundings of God-given responsibilities glow with warmth and beauty. God is always saying yes. Yes to being with us (Heb. 13:5-6). Yes to being for us (Rom 8:31). Yes to being in us (Col 1:27; Gal. 2:20). And working through us (Phil. 4:13)...

So the question changes. It's no longer when will God stop saying no to_______? But how is He saying yes? And that, my friend, is a question with an answer as wide as eternity and as infinite as God Himself. 

Beth

but what is MY role?

I tip-toe stretch against the glass display and throw my voice over the lunchtime din: flatbread, pepperjack, toasted, everything but cucumbers, with oregano please! It's gonna be my own special bundle of sandwich bliss. I'm drooling.

And I'm pretty used to personalizing things like this. Have it your way!..You asked for it? we delivered!...Full customization!!!...We live in a buffet style, pick and choose culture. It's all around us. We expect nothing less.

But singles can carry this mindset into Scripture. We open our Bibles and are sorely disappointed to find no customized road map. We hit passage after passage tailored to wives and husbands and parents, but us? Not so much. So, because there's no First and Second Song of Singleness, I guess we're left to muck about in sub-par existence until we're launched into the upper echelons of instruction on marital and parental bliss. 

oh well...sigh...(empty pause)...

OR, could it be that in our search for tiny shreds of customized truth, we've forgotten the instruction we already have? Instruction that, if applied, would bring the satisfaction and focus to our single lives we so long for? This line of thought has me captivated. Here's a bit of what I'm learning...

1. I have a role in Christ

I'm His workmanship. Delivered from the kingdom of darkness and translated into the kingdom of His dear Son. Joint-heir with Christ. In the household of faith. I've become a child of God. You know these passages and more. 

This role comes with tremendous instruction. Instruction like, be kind. Forgive. Come boldly before the throne of grace. Don't let sin reign in your body. Exercise towards godliness. Be filled with the Spirit. Provoke believers to good works. Redeem the time. And that's just a sampling. Working out my role in Christ is the most rewarding focus I can have. It's tied to my very identity. Don't marginalize it in pursuit of something more 'single-ish'. 

2. I have a role in the body of Christ

Singles can feel and act like misfits in the church. I won't be missed if I don't go today. I'm just one, so my gifts/input have no value. My married peers are given much more respect and attention. No one understands my single life. There's no real ministry for me. So we stop attending, or church hop seeking for more singles. A constant search to fit in. 

But Christ has already fit us in. Do I believe that? That God has set me in the body of Christ just as He desires? That He's fitly joined me together with those in my church? That I have an effectual measure necessary for the body to make increase of itself in love? That my gifts are for building up the body of Christ? That as a joint I have something to supply that no one else can? A body part's value lies in its healthy attachment to other members, not apart from them or in a grouping of the same part. If it detaches from the body everybody suffers.

Don't take this role in the body of Christ and its wealth of instruction lightly. Pray, seek counsel, and work at applying it. You will become one of the most satisfied singles around. You'll be doing what you were created and positioned to do. 

3. I have a role as an unmarried believer

I Corinthians 7 makes a great study that I'm not about to touch with a ten foot pole. But Paul makes an instructive observation there. The married person is to focus on caring for their spouse, how they can please them. The single? Is to care for the things of the Lord, how they can please Him. 

This role for the single looks like undivided attention. How can I use this money to please the Lord? There's no financial constraints of a family to consider. How can I tailor my time to care for the things of the Lord? I don't have to be home to bathe the kiddos. Lord, how should I plan/prepare for ministering to the body of Christ? I can go and do with abandon. Everyday, I can focus solely on caring for the things of the Lord and pleasing Him. In every thing. That's breathtaking. Don't ignore it. 

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I confess that I found myself thinking "Yes, but..." several times while writing this. But that's never the right response to Bible truth, is it. These roles aren't options on the smorgasbord of single life. I can't dismiss them as I revel in my individual freestyle or pine away for something else (both tendencies of mine.) I also found that there's enough instruction within these three roles to keep me busy, focused, and satisfied until Christ returns. And I'm pretty sure...

There's more than enough grace to do just that. 

Beth 

trouble came

Trouble comes last week. And with it, my reaction of fierce independence. 

The trouble is the death of a coworker. Someone I'd worked closely with the last year and a half. I had no idea my workday would bring this. And nothing prepares you for someone slipping into Eternity right before your eyes. 

My reaction is Ok, I can handle this. Keep it together. Work still demands 40 hours. People are relying on me...time with all its expected responsibilities keeps happening. So I bury the grief and shock deep inside and open arms wide to bear the heavy weight of this experience alone. The independence carries into my spiritual life too. This is your plan, God? Ok. Bring it on. And I brace for impact.

I think I'm fine until I hear the gentle voice behind me in church quoting from the Psalms. "In the multitude of my thoughts within me, thy comforts delight my soul." My eyes burn when these words sink in. I realize I'm not doing this independent thing well. At all. I'm crushed low and aching by the shoulder weight of it. The buried grief has turned to acrid poison in my middle.

Later, God help me echoes louder than I expect as I reach for my Bible. I thumb to that Psalm from prayer meeting and then another. And another. And my perception of David takes a mighty blow. I'd always pictured him fierce independent in adversity too. I read about him slaying lion and bear by himself. He stands before a giant alone and wins. He takes on 10,000 adversaries. He rules a massive kingdom with absolute authority. 

But David's songs detail his crying over 70 times. This is no minor theme. He cries. He calls out. He prays. He makes supplication. And this is no minor trouble. He's brought low, in distress, poor and needy, sleepless, physically sick, overwhelmed, his very life is in danger. 

He who appears strong and confident in the Biblical narrative knows where to angle his face and wing his words. These songs are not a picture of routine guess-I-got-to-pray-to-God-now. This is consuming, prostrate dependence. 

Two more themes begin to unfurl.

God is going to hear.

His eyes are on  the righteous. Ears open to their cries. He's inclined to them. He hearkens, will not forget, attends, gives ear...

And God is going to respond.

in salvation, healing, deliverance from troubles, strengthening with strength in our hearts, stemming floods, enlarging us in distress, being near when we call, 
turning our enemies back. And in His response we find Him good, ready to forgive, plenteous in mercy, a fortress, strong tower, stronghold, ever present help...
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Friends, surely He who has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows does not expect us to shoulder them again. But can we really expect the trouble to evaporate as we cry out to God? David didn't. His Psalms reveal a broad spectrum of Divine response. And we can assume, in every case it was exactly what David needed. He tells us so himself. 

I'll be honest. This morning still finds me grieving the loss of my friend. But that day as I read David's Psalms something shifted. As my own face angled Heavenward and trembling words winged their way to my Father, He heard. And He was moved to action on my behalf. At the end of my stubborn independence I found the healing balm of dependence. 

Trouble came. And God met it. 

Beth 

lessons learned on foreign soil

Foreign missions has been on my mind. And all this thinking has brought back a flurry of memories from my short-term experience in that great ministry. SO (lest I explode in smithereens for keeping them inside) here's four simple lessons I brought back from Asia, and how they still affect my life today. 

#1 Don't expect slow motion, tug-on-heart-strings moments with soft music.

It's not like I was expecting them. That much. It's just that most missionary presentations I'd seen had moments like this. But although I found myself falling in love with this Asian country, and even though I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God had led me there by His own hand, I never had that moment. You know?

Any presentation of human life (think missions) would be incomplete without an emotional element. I get that. But when we grow discontent or uncertain in what God has led us to because we don't feel it or have that moment, something's wrong. So don't be like yours truly who took longer than she cares to admit to realize...

God's will doesn't need the validation of emotional moments.

#2 Missions is a lot like doing normal life on different soil. 

Spiritual disciplines take work. But my first morning in Asia, I sat with my Bible in a missionary's back room thinking: This is IT. I mean, this is going to be all Amy Charmichael-Elisabeth Elliot-ish. I'm on foreign soil after all. I've got coconut trees fluttering outside the window, and a strange cacophony of life happening just over that cinder block wall...But when I began to read and pray, it took work.

In the months to come, I found many things took work. And surprise! They were the same kinds of things that took effort Stateside. And what I enjoyed? How I ministered? Struggled with? Yep, down to the nuances of my personality. It was all the same. (sigh)

Change is no miracle pill that makes life a scintillating adventure and us Christians of Pauline proportions. So no matter where God has us now, and where He will lead in the future...

Prepare for the unknown next by learning to live righteously in the normal now.

#3 There is tremendous value in watching.

I'm a doer. And I landed in Asia full speed ahead. But how can you do when you can't even walk down the road without looking discombobulatedly foolish? I quickly realized most doing would have to be replaced for those two short years.

I replaced it with watching. 


As I slowed down, I watched what church worship looks like without four walls, chandeliers, air conditioning, bulletins...and found the body of Christ the same in it's great foundation and thrilling beauty. I saw living conditions more comfortable than my own and some more poor than I thought possible. Finding in both a vibrant spirituality. I watched Bible college students strain every God-given resource to apply what they were learning. I observed bold men of God bend toward each other in gracious humility for the cause of Christ. I saw God answer prayers for outrageous needs. My own and others. I noticed His protection in a daily deluge of tiny details.

Since returning to the States, I see God at work in ways I hadn't noticed before. Because before I was always doing. But you don't have to travel outside the country to learn...

If you slow down enough to look for God's hand, you will find it and it will change you.

#4 Many will not respond to God's personal work the way we want them to. 

I came home from Asia full to overflowing, but I quickly learned that I had about 2 minutes to stuff 2 years of life into when people asked. This was disheartening. And I started to question, was my time there really worth it? Are these lessons actually true? Maybe it's not such a big deal.

This can happen. There's not the leaning forward and baited breath we want to see when we share what God is doing in and through us. Truth is, very few are skilled at listening in a way that communicates the value of what is being heard. And that's ok. It doesn't change the reality of what God is doing. So don't stop sharing God's personal work with others. But...

Don't weigh God's work by others' response to it.
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At some point I'll blog about the outrageous (and hilarious) adventures I had during those two years. But for now, it's the lessons that loom largest in my mind. Lessons learned on foreign soil that can bear much fruit when planted on home ground. 

Beth

I wish I could tell marrieds: weddings and singles

Tis the season for weddings. 

I'm mesmerized by them. The thrill of seeing friends brought together as one for life? There's nothing like it. And any event with fresh bouquets of lush flowers and live classical music has an automatic place in my heart. 

There's a broad spectrum of opinion and experience when it comes to weddings and singles. But marrieds tend to fit into five kinds of people as they relate to unmarrieds at these events. Here they are for your enlightenment and entertainment. 

1. The sad sympathizer 

Is it hard for you to be here? I'm sure it must be. It must be horrible. Your entire life must be horrible. I am so grieved that you are single, and cannot figure out for the life of me why you would be. This is followed by the furrowed brow, shaking head, and sigh every time you make eye contact with this person throughout the event. 

2. The happy hopeful

The hopeful is easy to spot because they're a radioactive blur of positive vibes. Look how happy this couple is! I just know you will be too. Why, you are SO good looking, talented, and successful. What ARE the singles around you thinking! It's going to be wedding bells for you soon! This is followed by the double raised eyebrow, wink, and thumbs up whenever you make eye contact with this person throughout the event. 

3. The forceful fanatic

The fanatic has figured out why you're not married and wants to fix it immediately. Talk more! Laugh more! Be quieter. Sweeter. Be mysterious (???). Why don't you go apply more lipstick. Have you met that attractive single over there (winkadeewinkwinkwink)? This is followed by stalker-like behavior throughout the event. And, unless the single woman hides creatively (think baptismal) the fanatic will hunt them down and dramatically position them front and center for the bouquet toss. 

4. The unsure avoider 

The avoider is aware of singles at weddings but doesn't know what to say or do around them. So they avoid them like the plague. You will find them relaxed until confronted with the single. Then all at once awkward and mummified. This is followed by the deer in the headlights look every time they make eye contact with the single at the event. 

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So, how should marrieds act around singles at weddings? 

Are you a close friend of the single wedding-attender? Then be a close friend at the wedding.

Are you a casual acquaintance? Then don't worry about being something more.

Will a single you know be attending the same wedding alone? Consider asking them to join your family for the event. Weddings and funerals are hard to do as one. 

Perhaps you're overwhelmed with the sacredness of the ceremony? Can't get over how perfectly matched the bride and groom are? Marveling over the big kiss? By all means, please share these musings with the singles around you. They are a part of this event and loving it too. 

Now would be the moment to give glory to God for the great thing He has done in bringing this couple together. Now would be the time to share memories of your own wedding. To ask the single what they have especially enjoyed about the ceremony, or how they met the bride and groom. No need to shift the focus onto the single's singleness. Trust me. 

In fact, there is a 5th kind of married person at weddings. The gracious person. Singles love them. And I've been privileged to find many of them at the weddings I attend. Singles can hang around these people with ease and enjoy the event together. Without fear of hurt or awkwardness. Be that gracious person. Be kind, and considerate. Friendly and funny. Tactful and caring. Normal. And you will bless many around you at weddings this summer. 

Singles included.

Beth 

something immovable

It was the last day of our family reunion on the coast when I realized it.

The beach is one swirl of constant motion. 

In the early morning light, I saw it so clearly. Shells tumbled up and skidded back in harmony with the tide. The sand continually whisked from under my feet. The crashing forward then sucking back of the waves. The wind shifting the clouds and mist of an endless sky. The morning sun hidden then at once bright shining. Even the pelicans, sandpipers, and seagulls were in perpetual motion skimming waves or strutting down the sand. 

'Uh, Beth, it took you seven days to realize 
things move on the beach?...'  

Let me explain myself. 

You see this revelation, although obvious, was the opposite of a memory that had captured my thoughts all week. One of a previous reunion on this stretch of beach. One of my Dad.

My Dad, and a certain stringy-blond, waif of a little girl who would not be content in the shallow water. And I've not forgotten what it felt like to wrap my bony arms around his neck and cling tight to his back as we made our way to where the waves flung their bubbly spume and rolled their mighty rolls in what seemed a magical deep. Nor have I forgotten what I felt as those waves towered high above our heads and, at times, swallowed us whole in their powerful curls. 

I felt bold. 

And fearless. 

Let the waves crash against my tiny frame. let them turban my long-stranded hair about my face and fill my mouth with the taste of salt. I was attached to something immovable. And when my strength gave way, something greater than I anchored me tight: My Dad's thick, strong arm was about my waist. I could face the waves with a sheer joy that rivaled that of the cawing gulls dipping in the sky above me. 

This scene played out many times at our reunion last week. Tiny nieces and nephews all timidity at the ocean's edge. But against the broad shoulders of my brothers, they became reckless bold and laughing as the waves rushed about them. They knew what I had so many years ago. Though their lilting voices and waving hands could not explain it, they were attached to something immovable. And that changed everything.

Life is one swirl of constant motion. 

From every direction it crashes against us all unpredictable and daunting. At times we feel it rip the very ground from underneath us. And the future clear and bright shining all at once turns taciturn. We tumble. We are pulled and pushed.

But we are attached to something immovable. A Rock. A Strong Tower. A Fortress. And though our flesh and heart fails, we find about us an arm strong in salvation that will not let us go. So let this world surge around us, let it tumble and plunge us. We face it bold. Fearless. With a certain abandonment of joy. For nothing can pluck us from our Saviour's grip. He told us so. And we've known it true. 

But it's not just that we're anchored fast to this Rock. Hidden in every wave-curl is a sovereign design. As this life towers then crashes into my thousand-edged points, those jagged corners of me, they transform. They soften, and purify, and tumble us smooth and shining. Making us more reflective of the Christ who holds us tight in His strong arm.

And that's when those around us notice. Scouring this broad earth for a shell-shard of meaning...Look, they say, this one's different. It's all smoothness. All gentleness, kindness, meekness...all joy and confident faith...how can that be on a beach of manic, roaring motion? Then we need only point them to our Saviour.

And what was a faint reflection in us, they see full on for themselves in the face of Christ. Our Rock.

Beth