Guest Post: What I would tell my 20-something self

Today's guest blogger has often refreshed my heart by her honest and Spirit-filled words. I know she will have that same effect on you! And, (despite my loud protests) she's asked that her name be withheld. 
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Singleness took me completely by surprise. After looking to “tangible” helps I determined that God’s Word was already designed to help me in ways I don’t even understand. From a nearly 40 year vantage point: here is some advice I wish I could have offered my 20-something self.

1. When your close married friend complains bitterly to you that she gets so lonely when she has to grocery shop by herself, or your co-worker resigns from her job to get married and is congratulated about her “ministry promotion”. Please remind yourself that: The only thing that can relieve the emotional pressure is spiritual growth. Psalm 119:11 Your word I have treasured in my heart, That I may not sin against You. Psalm 116:7 Return to your rest, O my soul, For the LORD has dealt bountifully with you.

2. “I was trying to get my work done,” my sister apologized, “but then I saw this boy who needed his hands kissed” she explained, as I watched my adorable 10- month old nephew coo in response. You would have to ignore the glaring obvious if you tried to believe married people do not enjoy things that God has not given to singles. It is at these moments that I remember: I must take God’s love by faith, believing the unseen, instead of counting up all the ways God has denied me joy. I John 4:16a We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us… (“come to know” is a process)

3. Once a teen girl poured out her heart as I listened sympathetically, “but, I am so lonely, I need friends, this is the only guy who has ever noticed me. I know that sneaking out of my house at night is not honoring to my parents but, I can’t help liking him.” I was able to answer with authority that God gives great grace to singles. I should know! My married friend had made no leeway with this girl. I was privileged to plead with her. God has jobs for all His children and not all of them can be accomplished by married people. I Corinthians 12:17 If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole were hearing, where would the sense of smell be?


4. “But if I buy a house I will appear too independent and if I take the promotion God is opening to me, then I might appear too capable!” Don’t forge your life plan around schemes to protect yourself. Romans 12:1 Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.

5. This point needs absolutely no explanation. Sigh. Don’t get bogged down in people’s advice on how to ensure your eligibility in marriage. Instead focus on God’s sovereignty! Psalm 135:6a Whatever the LORD pleases, He does… Daniel 4:35 All the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, But He does according to His will in the host of heaven And among the inhabitants of earth; And no one can ward off His hand Or say to Him, 'What have You done?'

6. A dearly loved fellow single of mine humbled herself by taking her turn in the church nursery. One mom, obviously giving her every ounce of strength to raising godly children, dropped this line: “Don’t you WANT to be married???” (you selfish single you!) These situations leave you wanting to run. Don’t. Win the spiritual battle in your mind so you can be free to serve. Ephesians 6:17 And take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. I Corinthians 5:34, 35…The woman who is unmarried,… secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.

7. “My Great Aunt Gertrude got married at 98!...so, don’t lose hope!” I have heard many remarkable stories from well meaning people. Be gracious…instead: Hope for things actually promised you in His Word. I Peter 1:13b fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

Bonus: Don’t forget that women with physical and spiritual flaws get married every single day. Marriage is not won through some spiritual point system. In fact, we see several examples in Scripture where God brought a couple together through sovereignly designed circumstances…who had failures and weakness! Like: Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel, Adam and Eve (that was certainly a match made in heaven), David and Michal, Hosea and Gomer (try that one on for size).

Above all: Know God and His Word to develop mature responses to singleness. Psalm 119: 128 …I esteem all your precepts concerning all things to be right;…