how to love singles

Beth as a single 2yr. old

You care about the singles in your life. 
You really do. 

But how does one go about showing that love? 

While each single is going to be a bit different on these, here's a few pointers from my own life and several of my single friends: 

1. Do put your love into words. 

Put it into words and tell them by text, email, sky writing...but at the very least, face to face. And want to really communicate care for singles? Tell them why you love them. Details are the ice cream cones and french fries of love. 

2. Don't put your love into how-to-get-un-single words every time you speak.

It's easy to think this is an awesome way to show love. But most often it communicates a disapproval of or dissatisfaction with a single's life. if every time marrieds speak to singles the topic is marriage, matchmaking, and making families, it may not be showing the loving care they think it is. 

3. Do find ways other than babysitting to fit them into your life. 

An occasional babysitting date does as much good for singles as it does for marrieds. BUT if the only time you were approached by someone was so they could ask you to come to their home for several hours to do something that was hard work and loads of responsibility and they weren't going to be there...

Consider these other ways to fit singles into your (crazy, hectic, meeting-constant-needs, every-moment-filled, to-do-list-a-mile-long) life:

• Having a movie/pizza night with your kiddos? Consider inviting a single or two to join. 
• Got a special Saturday project you're working on? Invite a single to participate in that chaos. 
• Family day trip and an extra seat in your car/van? You get the idea. 

Also, realize that singles will be most comfortable doing something with just you. This may seem impossible to you right now. But make it a goal! Nothing says "I value you" more than one-on-one time. 

4.  Don't be derailed by a "no." 

One family I know continually invites me to join them in awesome activities. I'm not often able to say yes. But guess what. They keep on asking!!! And they have shown a very beautiful love to me simply by continuing to ask. Don't be turned away if a single can't join every time. Keep it up! That alone shows how much you care. 

5. Do ask thoughtful questions about singles' daily life, pressures, joys etc. 

Then settle in to listen. And if they clam up (as I often do) keep asking regularly. Singles will open up as they see you really do want to know. And as hard as it is for marrieds to be "all ears" as their family swirls around them, nothing's going to communicate your love and respect for us like asking and listening closely. 

6. Don't exclude them from life in the club.

There's this club, you see. And it's AWESOME. But the people inside it can carry tremendous burdens, needs for prayer, and daily struggles just living life. 

Welcome to Club Parenthood.

But singles don't want to just lounge outside this club sipping their frapps and shootin' the breeze. Nor do they want stare smoosh-nosed through the glass as parents bustle about inside. They want to be alongside you. 

We know you draw tremendous support from friendships with other members. But perhaps we could offer a cup of cold water when the going gets tough. Or maybe just by our listening ears, wide eyes, and promises of prayer we can ease the burdens of this club. The work of this club is so very important. Dear friends, let us in. You will benefit and we will feel loved. 

7. Do praise them for genuine accomplishments.

They're gonna look very different from yours. 

But singles are working hard at what God has given them to do right now. Encourage them that their calling is God-given and important. And rejoice with them.

8. Don't wait until they begin the married phase to show them attention. 

Engaged/newly-weds experience a deluge of personal attention from marrieds. It's like going from 0 to 150mph in one day. Brings people out of the woodwork who may not even know your name. And suddenly you're asked out on double dates, parties, activities...that the week before you didn't even know existed. 

Unfortunately, this makes it appear like singles are not worth the noticing and including until they cross that relationship barrier. Start developing friendships with singles now. Nothing communicates our worth more. 

9. Do recognize their strange and awkward ways of trying to show you love. 

We're not too good at it. And I'll be the first at the confessional. Is there a single who seems to crash (or shyly poke) into your well-established family life, asking questions, talking, and doing unusual but somewhat helpful things? That's probably us trying to show you love. Be amused. And if you would go the extra mile and disciple us in how we can better show you love, we will love you even the more for it. 

Beth