I wish I could tell marrieds: the relationship status question

Ever wonder if the singles in your life are dating? 

Want to ask, but not sure you should?

Well, kiss your wonderings goodbye. 

Your amazing, never-wrong, humble, single blog writer is here with some helpful thoughts. 
............................................................

First, avoid these attitudes when asking: 

The put-some-fire-under-you attitude

Are you dating YET? (insert hands-on-hips, get-along-with-it, you-are-obviously-not-doing-your-part vibe.) This is not going to go over well. Mostly because it comes across as straight-up accusatory. And it will fail to express the care and respect we know you want to convey. 

The Mr. Fix It attitude

You're NOT dating? (insert full body scan with furrowed brow and meaningful nods) As if the ask-er has figured out by mere observation why the single isn't dating. I've heard some colorful opinions on how to improve myself from people with this attitude. But, I'll admit, when asked this way, it closes my ears to any shred of helpfulness they may offer. 

The dead puppies attitude

Surely you're daaaating? (insert pained expression of billowing sympathy) This is well meant. But it does imply that dating is akin to life itself. Relationships are a huge part of life. But singles are smart enough to know that dating and marriage are not all that life is about. So if your question has an overtone of sorry pity...it may not be well received.

.......................................................................................

Avoiding these attitudes? Then ASK AWAY. And here's why: 

It makes us feel human

When people avoid the topic of dating/marriage/family, singles wonder why. As if we live in an invisible (and somehow taboo) area between youth and adult. At times, this feeling can be heightened in Christian circles. So, ask us! It makes us feel human.

It reminds us of our worth 

Really? You think I could spouse and parent? You don't assume I'm too...or not enough....? Well then. (insert picture of Beth holding her head a bit higher) That's what a well-placed status question can do for a single. It strengthens us against the barrage of insecurities and discouragements that the world and the devil faithfully lob our way. 

It builds our character muscles

The more singles speak about their season of life, the more training they get in how to do it right. How to answer with grace. Answer honestly. How to form a Biblical, concise, faith-filled response. If we're never asked, then our thoughts will lack those opportunities to develop past so much spaghetti. 

It opens possibilities 

Some singles are majorly anti-matchmaking. Others would love some help. Some waffle back and forth. Do you know two singles who (it appears) could better serve God together than separately? When you ask the status question, it opens up the possibility of your role in that. Trust me, if you know us well, and avoid the attitudes above, you're leagues ahead of most who are matchmaking today. 

It widens the prayer circle 

Two friends recently followed up the status question with this: "How can I pray with you?" This is a tremendous encouragement. Ask with a genuine determination to listen, believe them, and pray. And you can only bless the singles around you. 

It helps us communicate

Some of us keep desires buried deep inside. Also, no single wants to be known for continually talking about their escapades (or lack there of) in the dating/courtship/findingalifemate universe. But squelching the desire for marriage and family is not the answer. It's a God-given thing. Goes all the way back to a garden and a rib. 

Ask, and you give us a chance to express thoughts and desires without sounding like we're obsessed with them. This helps us share what we're learning. Provides accountability. And keeps those natural emotions near the surface where they belong. 

.................................................

This post is not going to accurately reflect every single. Age, personality, life experience, gender...all these can effect how singles respond. But keep these thoughts in mind and, in my (cough cough) humble opinion, they will help you be the blessing you want to be. :)

Beth 

Curious about other posts in the I Wish I Could Tell Marrieds series? Take a look here and here