When the fog doesn't lift: walking through discouragement

I know it. So well. 

That feeling of walking through a foggy morning. 

The strange mixture of helplessness and anxiety that starts turning in my stomach. Familiar landmarks shrouded from view. Not able to see my next step. Slow, stumbling progress until my hand reaches some familiar object. 

And that rush of comfort when the adventure is over.
....................................................................

We know how to walk in fog. How to maneuver with our hands stretched out before us, and mark our steps carefully.

 But how do we learn to walk in spiritual fog? 

In the dense, oppressive discouragement that falls and hangs about our lives obliterating the familiar landscape of every day and leaving us shuffling gingerly through the hours. How do we go on living when we feel numb and our energy and joy snuffed out by such a heavy blanket? 

I don't know.

I've trudged through spiritual fog for weeks at at time.

There is always a grasping first. Arms outstretched I fling myself at beloved counselors and friends. I hope they will place in my hands some spiritual miracle pill. Or give me some God-salve that, if applied three times daily will have me better in a week.

 But I am sorely disappointed. 

Man has yet to discover how to "stop" fog. It is beyond his control. And soon I find myself sinking into introverted gloom. Getting angry at those Christians who seem to jump ecstatically from one spiriual success to another like evangelical Tiggers.

Then during one discouragement fog a couple years ago, I curled up on my dorm room bed overwhelmed with embarrassment. Thinking: 

 "Here I am on the campus of this Christian university, in charge of undergrad students, involved in ministry. getting a degree in Biblical Counseling and, truth is, I don't even feel Christian anymore. I don't feel anything."

But as I sat there praying, I came to three simple conclusions. And these have helped me through many a season of discouragement since. 

Conclusion #1 Lord, you don't have to take me out of this.

I know, I know! Of course God doesn't have to have me tell Him "it's ok with me." But somehow letting go of my urgent sense of "It's your fault and you must deliver me now!" in this simple prayer, leaves me in a position of calm acceptance where there once was rigid straining to see the fog lift. 

Perhaps this is what Paul hints at in 2 Cor. 12. He came to the point where he stopped reaching for deliverance from his infirmity. And he actually saw that area of weakness as prime ground for God to showcase His power. Sometimes the best path lies across the most obscure terrain. 

So I learned to say it out loud, with arms uncrossed: Lord, you don't have to take me out of this.

Conclusion #2: Lord, I will not stop obeying You.

Shutting down. My knee jerk reaction to discouragement.

I stop reading my Bible because I don't feel spiritually alive. I stop praying. God knows everything already, right? And He doesn't seem to be doing anything about it. Going to church seems pointless. No one understands (or seems to notice) the fog enveloping me.Just. leave. me. alone. 

 But, God is my Father, I can't stop loving Him even if I tried. And I can love my God in the thick of the discouragement. I can do what I know how to do. And my obedience doesn't have to be contingent on His deliverance.

I obey, because I love, because I am His.

 And no degree of discouragement changes that. 

Christ asks Peter a stunning question in John 6: "Will you also go away?" Peter had just heard perplexing spiritual truth and had watched as many of his fellow disciples slipped away from Christ and "followed no more." Discouraging? no doubt. 

But he blurts out, "Lord, to whom else can we go? You have the words of life. And we do believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God. " He was saying, I will not stop following, even in the disappointment--even when I don't understand." 

So I learned to say it with an upturned face: Lord, I will not stop obeying You. No matter how long this lasts.

Conclusion #3 Lord, bring yourself the most glory possible through this.

God's ability to bring Himself glory is not hampered by my state of well being. 

But don't I need mountain top spiritual ecstasies and deep feelings of closeness and passion for my God to receive glory from my life?

 Not really.

What is it that God considers most valuable in I Peter 1:7? Success? A spiritual high? Perfection? The brilliant rescue from the trial? No, Peter tells us it is the trial itself that holds unfathomable value in God's eyes and ultimately ends in His glory as we respond correctly. 

So I learned to kneel in the fog and say: Lord, make the greatest amount of glory possible radiate Heavenward through this. 

.................................................

Throughout my life I've slogged through countless foggy mornings. They fall quickly and with unnerving power they slow life to a crawl. 

But they lift. 

And reality is that throughout our Christian lives spiritual fog will fall. For innumerable reasons discouragement will descend and blanket our senses and activities for days or week at a time. But it will lift. When? How?

I don't know.

I don't need to.

I will set my face toward Heaven and raise my three convictions with an open palm. The one who controls the fog will hear. And I can rest assured...

There will be comfort when the adventure is over. 

Beth