singleness and age (part 2)

Recently, I posted about how singleness changes with age. This is part 2 in that series where I share the lessons I've learned (or am learning) in each phase. This post is my most favoritest yet! Ironically, it's also the longest. So bear with me. And enjoy!

The Easy Years: 18-22

1. Don't limit God by your expectations

Diverse. Concentrated. Pure adventure. Breathtaking. These describe my years after college. But until my Junior year, I had a bag full of expectations that God had yet to begin to fulfill. Panic and frustration became the norm in my heart until a preaching service that left me saying: "Lord, I'll stop writing my story. You do it your way. Your time." That was not a superman Christian thing. That was grace. 

And that was something I've had to repeat, um...repeatedly since then. But if I had clung to my bag of expectations I would have missed out on the first 5 words of this section. And a whole lot more. 

2. Stockpile God's goodness

It's was so obvious during those years. He led me to life-long friends. Provided for me to learn what I loved. Surrounded me with professors and mentors that were on my side. And don't forget that unique-to-youth grace to pull all-nighters and still function somewhat rationally. (note: this will not always be the case.) 

So soak it up. Stockpile it. Write this goodness down, give a steady stream of testimony about it. And see the blessings as coming straight from your Father of light. Because they are. 

3. Beware the 'your path must be my path' trap

I spent way too much time peering down others' paths in this season of life. A lot of slack-jawed amazement at classmates who knew their entire life plan and had broken it into bite-sized pieces. I wanted to buy their app. Implement their program. But God's will was never meant to be retro-fitted. Its perfectness is displayed in its diversity. If I acknowledge the Lord in all my ways, and He's going to direct my path. Let Him. 

The Stormy Years: 22-30

1. Unpack God's goodness.

All that stockpiled goodness from the easy years? Start unpacking it. Remember each time you saw Him provide. Give you the desires of your heart. Direct your steps. Use you in ways you never thought possible. Remember how He mended your broken heart. Gave you strength for that day and bright hope for tomorrow. Remember the Scriptures that left an imprint on you that still remains. 

Then remember this: He is the same today as He was yesterday. The. Same. And as you glance ahead at a tomorrow you didn't predict, take no thought for it. He will be the same then too. 

2. Strengthen relationships (both family and church)

Most likely, your parents didn't expect your singleness. Talk to them about your life right now: how you have grown/want to grow, what your struggles and victories look like. Don't avoid them. Don't stop honoring. Grow together in this new phase of life. It will steady you.

Church as a single can be awkward. We don't fit into the groups our peers are in. Don't write it off because of this. Invest yourself in relationships that span every people group in your local church. Just like financial investing, it will cost you something, but can reap tremendous rewards. Nothing has rooted me more firmly in truth (at a time when it's easy to drift) than my local church. Don't forsake the pillar and ground of what you need most. 

3. Learn to spot the bitterness root

What starts with quiet-moment thoughts, and tiny seeds of sarcastic humor will not stop there. Watch out: fed by a fluctuating friend environment, this root has all the nutrients it needs to spring up with rapid force. Don't ask me how I know this. And don't be fooled: bitterness never does anything but defile. Examine yourself. Watch carefully. Have no mercy. 

The Calm Years: 30+

1. Don't settle into always.

It's real easy to do. To start thinking: "ho hum. Life will always be like this..." Never's and No's, Not-for-me's and I-don't-THINK-so's can sneak into my thinking before I realize it. 

But who knows the good works that God has ordained us to walk in? It's probably not even entered your mind what He has prepared for you who love Him. Who can tell what He'll bring into our tomorrow? It's gonna be good. So don't settle in. Reach out. Reach up. And be ready. 

2. Live by what has been given, not withheld

As we age, the things that have been withheld increase as much as those that have been given. That's reality. And today, I'm going to view life through one of these two lenses. Keep in mind, the only lens with a Divine prescription is the first. Focus in on the all things you have for life and godliness. You'll find them all around you. And you'll find them more than enough. (preaching this to myself even now...)

3. Don't shrink from making disciples

You've been single for a while. What has God taught you? What have learned about Him? What Scriptures lift you from those depths of "when all around my soul gives way" to the heights of "He then is all my hope and stay"? That is the stuff of discipleship. And those in the easy and stormy years need to hear it. 

What if I have past/current struggles? Oh, I know. But combat doesn't disqualify a soldier. God has called us to be soldiers. He's given us armor. Told us to fight the good fight. To expect tribulation. Told us there's victory through Jesus Christ our Lord. The battle is not the sin. It's what we do in the struggle that counts. 

What of my history of defeat and entanglement? Confess and forsake it. Then forget those things behind you and press on toward the mark. A righteous man is known for his getting up again, not his perfection. And he who is most familiar with the battle can be most effective in training others for it. Don't shrink from the privilege of discipleship. I think satan is very pleased when we do. 

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Congratulations! You made it through. And if you have a moment, please share what you are learning in the phase of life you're in now. I am eager to hear!

Beth